What your NRL club wants from Santa for Christmas in 2017
CHRISTMAS is just around the corner and you can bet your last dollar it isn’t just the children around the world sending their wish lists off to Santa. NICK WALSHAW got a sneak peek at what your NRL club is asking Santa for this festive season.
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CHRISTMAS is just around the corner and you can bet your last dollar it isn’t just the children around the world sending their wish lists off to Santa.
Every NRL club out there has a list of its own and NICK WALSHAW got a sneak peek at what your club will be asking Santa for this festive season.
BRISBANE
Like all rich kids, what Brisbane really needs this Christmas is the one thing no amount of money can buy -- good health. Sure, it won’t stop them wanting more Friday night games. Or stockpiling Third Party sponsors like Matchbox cars. But if Brisbane can avoid the injury dramas which struck the likes of Darius Boyd, Andrew McCullough and Anthony Milford this year, they’re September certainties.
CANBERRA
The Raiders need one of two things from Santa this year. Either they’re given the ability to start winning close games ... or a defibrillator for coach Ricky Stuart. Eight times in 2017, the Green Machine lost a match by six points or less. Half of those, too, came in Golden Point. And all while Sticky stood by his bench, shouting, spitting and grabbing at his chest.
BULLDOGS
Like an RSL lothario all gold chains, tight t-shirt and comb over, Canterbury simply want to score in 2018. Don’t care how. Or with who. Just get me there Santa -- please. Apart from averaging only 15 points per game in 2017, the Doggies also finished last in tries, try assists, goals, linebreaks and total points.
CRONULLA
You know that spray leaguies douse their with hands before taking the field? Beautiful Santa, give these Sharks a sleigh load. For this year, the Shire boys made 283 handling errors, worse than everyone bar the Roosters. As a result, Cronulla’s stuttering attack finished over 150 points shy of its premiership haul of only 12 months earlier.
GOLD COAST
It’s no secret these blokes on the holiday strip need plenty. And thankfully, as we type this, the Titans still have at least $1.2 million to spend on a roster which -- even with No.7 Ash Taylor -- needs bolstering.
MANLY
OK big fella in red, can you pleeeeease give this whiny kid his Brookvale Oval upgrade? Truly, our ears are starting to bleed. And to be fair, the young ‘un is still playing with the NRL ground equivalent of Castle GreySkull. Oh, yeah, another playmaker -- who can be bought for about $17.50 -- would also be handy.
MELBOURNE
How about a new No.7? With Cooper Cronk gone, the Storm need to find themselves a new playmaker from a list of potential Next Big Things which includes Brodie Croft, Ryley Jacks, Jahrome Hughes and Scott Drinkwater.
NEWCASTLE
Put simply, the Knights need only one thing in 2018: wins. After three consecutive wooden spoons, the time for change can wait no longer. And thankfully, the Knights have already been gifted a genuine NRL match-winner in Mitchell Pearce.
NORTH QUEENSLAND
The Cowboys Christmas list reads as follows: 126 rolls of bubble wrap, 100 boxes of Pain Away and all the cotton wool you can muster. For if Johnathan Thurston can can be kept free of injury in 2018, his Townsville team is almost assured another Grand Final appearance.
PARRAMATTA
Every dad knows Christmas Eve is all about beers and baffling sets of instructions for pushbikes, trampolines, basketball hoops ... and whatever it is makes Jarryd Hayne tick. So hopefully for Parramatta, the big fella leaves a set, in English , under the tree at Eels HQ.
PENRITH
Elastoplast and an annual subscription to Best Bets. For James Maloney is coming fellas ... and when not looking for the next winner at Kembla Grange, this larrikin No.6 -- who also stands among the code’s greatest winners -- is playing with the type of grit that constantly sees his melon missing bark.
SOUTH SYDNEY
What do the Bunnies need this Christmas? Easy, super glue. That way they can hold Angus Crichton to Redfern, Greg Inglis together and, after a year of instability, also stick a stable halves pairing -- most likely between Adam Reynolds and the livewire Cody Walker.
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA
Dear Santa, could you please provide the Red V a heap of chicken pasta, Ricky Gervais CDs and a little cafe where James Graham can sip coffee alone. For this newest Dragon has a couple of, err, unique superstitions which must be met. Oh, and given the club’s playing twice in Mudgee this year, we’d also suggest 17 memberships in the Oriental Hotel badge draw.
ROOSTERS
What do the Roosters need for Christmas? C’mon man. Already, St Nick (Politis) has gifted a Kangaroos halfback, NSW fullback and so much leftover salary cap space ... well, Origin crowds boast fewer zeroes. Short of the Bubonic plague sweeping Bondi Junction, the Tricolours should be premiership favourites all year.
WESTS TIGERS
The Tigers need somebody to fill the void of a departed Kangaroo prop. And a NSW Origin fullback. And a five-eighth now being touted as the next Blues No.6. Throw in 16 tins of Taubmans for a Leichhardt Oval makeover and we’re done.
WARRIORS
Um, how about a Christmas Miracle?