Reg Reagan: A week in the life of NRL legend Cameron Smith
It’s only fitting that a once-loved TV program has been resurrected to celebrate the career of the closest thing rugby league has to a God. Reg Reagan gives his inside view on Cameron Smith.
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“Cameron Smith … this is your life!”
The people at This Is Your Life decided through the week to do a special edition of the TV show to celebrate the career of Cameron Smith.
Unfortunately, they were unable to drag host Mike Munro away from the bar, so they have turned to me to recapture the ratings that the show enjoyed during its glory days in the era of black-and-white TV.
THE SURPRISE
Hi, I’m Reg Reagan and welcome to a special edition of This Is Your Life, when we live a week of Cameron Smith’s life as he prepares for his farewell to rugby league.
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Now, I’ve been tipped off that a certain Melbourne Storm hooker is visiting Donna’s Discount Massage Parlour, so let’s go surprise him!
Here we are walking past the madam. There are a few well-known politicians on my right, a couple of jockeys on my left and Andrew “Joey” Johns preparing for his weekly “reverse Thai body-to-body slide”.
Here we go, here’s Cam about to flip over for the massage’s exciting conclusion.
“Cameron Smith, this is your life.” Oh shit, wrong Smith.
“F---ing Brandon Smith!”
THANKING THE MENTOR
We finally track him down and me and the This Is Your Life crew follow Cameron as he walks into the office of the “great” coach, Craig Bellamy. What happens next is one of the
most emotional things I’ve ever experienced, apart from a judge ruling in my favour on unpaid child support.
Coach Bellamy gets up out of his throne, hugs Cameron and says: “I’d be nothing without you.”
Cameron says: “That’s not true, you’d be a sacked coach from the Gold Coast Titans.”
They embrace one more time and Cameron tells Craig that he’s like a father to him. Bellamy’s emotions get the better of him and he breaks down crying. I’m trying not to laugh. As we leave the office, Cameron tells our cameraman to delete all that bullshit.
ADORING TEAMMATES
Cameron walks into Storm training for the last time. The players form a guard of honour. It’s nothing unusual, he makes them do it every day.
After watching video of this week’s opponents, each player stands up and pays tribute to their captain.
Smith’s understudies for the past five years, Brandon Smith and Harry Grant, who has returned from rugby league’s version of Siberia, the Wests Tigers, get up and perform a song they’ve written together, “Goodbye, Farewell, F--- off!”
Harry then goes solo, serenading coach Bellamy to Engelbert Humperdinck’s Please Release Me after learning the Broncos have offered him $1 million a year.
CELEBRATIONS IN SYDNEY
The team heads to Sydney for the traditional grand final lunch.
Beforehand, Cameron is afforded a Civic Reception at Sydney’s Town Hall. It’s an opportunity for the people of Sydney to say a final “f--- you” to the Storm legend. As he takes the dais, the fans hurl coins, bottles and dog s--t to show their appreciation.
To finish with, Smith pays tribute to former Blues captain Paul Gallen, describing him as “an inspiring and unselfish leader”. The crowd get the joke and burst into laughter.
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TIME MAGAZINE SHOOT
Melbourne Storm manager Frank Ponissi calls Cameron to tell him that he’s been bestowed the honour of an interview and front-page photo with legendary magazine Time.
We hurriedly make our way over to ANZ Stadium, where we realise Frank had unfortunately confused Time with People magazine.
Cameron once again turns a negative into a positive, strips off, gets the old fella out and collects $50 by appearing in the famous Home Boys section of the mag.
WARNIE
Cameron is nervous about life after footy, so the crew heads to Shane Warne’s Sydney residence to discuss him becoming the next face of Advanced Hair Studios. Warnie’s house is amazing, it’s like knock-shop heaven.
Everywhere you look there are mementos of his “great” career — stumps, bats, photos of him taking five wickets at Lord’s. He’s even good enough to show us his balls. I grab one. It’s amazing to hold something that’s touched so many, but I suspect he may have a hernia.
YEAH, YEAH
Warnie and Cam strike a deal with Advanced Hair, all proceeds going towards Cameron’s favourite charity, The Cameron Smith Foundation, which raises much-needed funds for retired hookers who have played more than 400 NRL games.
We take the crew to watch Cameron make the commercial.
It’s an honour to stroll the corridors of what has become almost a religious icon to people on their way to the humiliation of complete baldness.
We walk through the Advanced Hair Hall of Fame, with images of Greg Matthews, Warnie himself, Mark Geyer, Mike Gatting, Laurie Daley and Matty Johns.
They roll the cameras.
“Hi, I’m Cameron Smith, you might know me from my numerous judiciary appearances and my ability to play and referee at the same time.
“But for me, life’s not all tackles, tries and trophies.
“I wake up every morning with my pillow looking like Big Foot’s cousin.
“The shower drain is constantly blocked and when I go to the beach I put up with men, women and even children commenting that I have more hair on my back than my head.
“But my mates at Advance Hair have changed all that. I’ve got my confidence back and people no longer confuse me with Wally Lewis. Advance Hair, sure Cam!”
THE LAST SUPPER
It’s the night before the game and Cameron gathers the other 12 starting players for a final meal. He doesn’t mix with “benchies”, fearing mediocrity may be contagious.
They sit along a long table, Cam in the middle. There’s an assortment of fruit and Cam’s favourite food, tinned Spam.
On his right, Jahrome Hughes, and Cameron Munster to his left.
Munster comments that this all reminds him of a photo that used to hang on the wall at his school — “a heap of blokes with beards, wearing dresses”.
Munster missed a large chunk of this season because he didn’t want football to distract him from completing Year 12.
At the conclusion of the meal, captain Smith goes to each player and washes their feet individually.
Munster remarks: “This is quite a turn-on”.
As the skipper gets to the last player, Jesse Bromwich, Bellamy storms into the room: “Jesus Christ, what’s going on here?”