Head Noise podcast: James Graham reveals the toll of 100 concussions

It’s the scan that confirmed what James Graham already suspected - footy damaged his brain and now he is urging the NRL to make drastic changes. Listen to the Head Noise podcast.

I thought I may have paid a price for the way I played rugby league and in my neurologist’s rooms that was proven to be true.

It has been confirmed via an MRI scan that part of my 36-year-old brain is damaged, that is ‘down on volume’ at the front and side part of my brain.

While the neuropsychological tests I passed quite well an MRI showed the possible wear and tear of 17 years of rugby league, over 400 games and around 100 concussions.

As my neurologist Dr Rowena Mobbs explained, my frontal lobe (the front) and the parietal (the side part behind the frontal lobe) on the right side of my brain were all down on volume for a man my age. “Mildly so” Dr Mobbs tells me, but enough to say it‘s “significant”.

There was also an irregularity in the middle area of my brain - what is called the white matter - white spots are showing up particularly on the left side. The white matter part of the brain is for transmission, it’s like a freeway. These ‘white spots’, or lesions, indicate tiny areas of signal change - migraines can cause these but so can “head trauma”.

As I sit in Dr Mobbs’ office I ask if I was still playing (I only retired at the end of 2020 and for the record I have no ambition to return) what would she advise? Without a pause Dr Mobbs says; “to stop playing”.

This is not the first MRI I have had, but it is the first to show I have damage. The first time I was moved to get an MRI was after a knock out I suffered during the NRL finals series in 2018. It was the only concussion that has ever really concerned me.

Ex NRL star James Graham has revealed that his brain has been damaged by playing rugby league. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

Head Noise: a podcast from James Graham

After that concussion I couldn’t drive, I didn’t feel like myself, I suffered debilitating headaches, was extremely sensitive to noise and I was so concerned about the state of my brain that I went and had that MRI scan.

That 2018 MRI showed my brain was fine and full. There was no bleeding on the brain. There were no physical irregularities and I felt nothing to worry about.

But the 2022 MRI scan makes me concerned. Even though Dr Mobbs is saying my brain was down on volume in parts, she is not diagnosing probable CTE nor are there any signs of early on-set dementia.

But for someone my age, my brain should not be losing volume like this.

I knew it anyway, but I need to take care of my brain health.

Brain scans revealed lesions in James Graham’s brain.

Now, I am not looking for anyone’s sympathy, I have repeatedly said maybe the meaning of life is finding something worth dying for and rugby league was this for me.

I have to take responsibility for the way I lived and played.

As I sat in the rooms, as Dr Mobbs relayed the state of my brain to me, my internal dialogue was not to be reckless in my actions after receiving this news. I know the type of personality I am but have made a rule to myself not to self-destruct.

Before this brain scan, I was already aware I had to be careful with my alcohol intake. I have been conscious of it since lockdown in 2021. I have used medicinal cannabis to help calm my anxiety. I have taken medication for depression.

But while I am a deep thinker when it comes to matters in life - I really don’t take myself too seriously.

I don‘t want to make light of a potentially serious situation for me and for 100,000s of people out there but…I do think I can use this to my advantage so if I forget something…I can say; ‘well, I’ve got a small brain so you can’t blame me…’

James Graham received more than 100 head knocks while playing rugby league. Picture: Michael Dodge/Getty Images

It’s like that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David thinks he finds out he‘s adopted and he keeps telling everyone; ‘I’m adopted, I’m adopted’.

In that Larry David way I joke about they I will now just walk out of this hospital in Western Sydney and be like; ‘Oh I’ve got a small brain! You can‘t blame me for not remembering the milk on the shopping list, your names or whatever it may be.’

On a serious note again, deep down part of me was prepared for something like this to be relayed to me.

Like I said I am pretty determined to not let this put me on a path to self destruction, instead, I am going to focus on making a difference in this space and I made this podcast investigation with The Australian with the aim of finding solutions.

Here’s what I think needs to change to make the game better for all.

• An annual brain body and mind checkup for ex-players;

• We need to strictly limit contact in practice, similar to the NFL;

• I’d like a concussion to be treated like any other injury for example a hamstring tear, where it is accepted a player would not return to the game until fully recovered;

• I know as a player I felt the pressure to return as quickly as possible to my team.

James Graham is led from the field during his playing days at the Bulldogs. Picture: Mark Evans

Perhaps we need to take that off the current crop of players. I think the game’s powerbrokers can do more and take the onus off the footballers.

I also think the game’s hierarchies need to engage with companies who can provide cutting edge technology to gauge concussions. This would take the subjectivity away and provide clear cut concussion diagnosis of athletes.

I can’t change the past but I can make things better for the future.

In episode five of Head Noise I spoke about my grandfather on my mum’s side, the one who refused to have an ambulance called as he was suffering a heart attack. He sadly passed away.

Then there was my other grandfather; Dan. He served in World War Two, he lived a very honest and incredibly hard working life. He didn’t say much, nor show too much emotion, but when he did have something to say it carried an enormous weight. My grandfather and grandmother had one child, my father John. They had a very humble life. They lived in a very humble housing commission home but my grandfather looked after it proudly. He was so proud of the garden.

Some of my fondest memories are spending my summers in Maryport and playing on the green, never in my grandad‘s garden. He would blow up deluxe if I touched the garden.

He adored my grandmother. Absolutely adored her. He had a different philosophy to my other grandfather, who didn’t want to accept help.

My grandfather Dan, he didn’t want to leave my grandmother by herself and his goal was to outlive her.

Which he successfully did.

He taught me to have something to aim for. To have something to live for. A reason. A why.

I want to be more like my grandfather Dan.

Originally published as Head Noise podcast: James Graham reveals the toll of 100 concussions