Ban UFC and try celebrations: Dean Ritchie reveals the most irritating things in sport

Sport can be a source of pure euphoria – but also immense frustration. Here are the seven most annoying things in world sport.

Dean Ritchie (left) is officially a 'Grumpy Old Man'. Digitally altered.

I thought growing old and grumpy would take longer.

As the temples slowly grey and the middle age spread fans out even further, I confess that sport can become a source of pure euphoria – but also immense frustration.

What didn’t annoy me just 10 years ago now pisses me off. Some doctors call it Irritable Male Syndrome. Let’s take a pre-Christmas glance at my 2024 want list.

BRING BACK THE HANDSHAKE

NRL players jumping all over the tryscorer is irritating and childish. Sure as night follows day, a player will crash into and injure a teammate in this juvenile pile-on of players.

Can’t players just shake hands like the old days?

Jumping all over the tryscorer is irritating and childish, writes Dean Ritchie. Picture: David Swift

SPORT OR BRUTALITY

The UFC is pure violence. If such sadism happened on the street, you’d be incarcerated.

When will this barbaric brutality masked as sport be banned? Hitting, kicking and kneeing a defenceless person on the floor isn’t sport. It’s primitive and savage.

BLAME THE SOUTHERNERS

Why The Everest isn’t given Group One status defies belief. It is the best sprint race in the world and meets all the necessary parameters except for the petty resentment of Victorian racing officials.

The $20m race is second only to the Melbourne Cup – described last week as the ‘Mel-boring Cup’ by leading trainer Bjorn Baker – in terms of betting turnover and international reach. It has become the most talked about race of the year. Jealousy is a curse.

Dean Ritchie (left) is officially a 'Grumpy Old Man'. Digitally altered.

WHERE’S OUR FUNDING, PREMIER?

The State Labor Government, like the previous Coalition Government continues to offer a collective ‘up yours’ to funding for Sydney suburban grounds.

Slowly, year on year, the likes of Brookie, Leichhardt, Shark Park, Kogarah and Campbelltown continue to corrode.

The closure of these wonderful NRL grounds is nearer than what most think. Within five years, there will inevitably be health and safety issues.

Do we want the Melbourne model where all games would be played at Accor Stadium, Allianz Stadium or CommBank Stadium? No bloody way.

Mr Minns, we know you’re a Bulldogs fan so please find it in your heart and budget to help fund the redevelopments of grounds that are part of our history and soul.

If they go, who knows Mr Minns, you may too.

I’M LOVING BIG ANGE INSTEAD

Have we actually digested the enormity of what Ange Postecoglou has done with Spurs? This is one of the greatest achievements in Australian sport.

Just having an Aussie gaffer in the Premier League is remarkable, let alone a manager who has taken his side to the top of arguably the most famous sporting competition in the world.

It’s time for the Australian sports fans to end their bias against soccer and start lauding Postecoglou. I don’t know about you but as the song goes, “I’m loving Big Ange instead”.

Ange Postecoglou’s brilliant coaching of Spurs is one of the greatest achievements by an Australian in sport. Picture: Henry Browne/Getty Images

BYE BYE, ANDY WARHOL

How long can Rugby Australia chairman Hamish McLennan keep sidestepping the axe? If only his Wallabies showed as much evasiveness.

I nicknamed McLennan ‘Andy Warhol’ – the 1960s American visual artist who once said everyone will be “world famous for 15 minutes”.

Well, McLennan had his 15 minutes when he picked a public war with rugby league while packing a water pistol. Andy, the World Cup fiasco is on you. Own it and resign.

DON’T LOSE OUR HISTORY

It appears abundantly clear the mega-riches of hit-and-giggle Twenty20 are steadily eroding Test cricket.

The day looms when players sign up exclusively with wealthy global Twenty20 franchises, cutting off any ties with Test cricket, a noble game which started back in 1876.

There are only two marquee Tests series remaining for Australia – England and India.

Test cricket is dying right in front of us but no-one seems to be making much noise. By the time we fully comprehend Test cricket’s perilous state, it may well be too late.

Well, that’s enough for now … I always did like that movie, Grumpy Old Men.