2016 NRL Grand Final: Melbourne Storm v Cronulla Sharks, clues to picking the winner

NICK Walshaw goes through the 2016 NRL Grand Final match-ups, key factors and pressure points and comes up with a winner for the big game.

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NICK Walshaw goes through the 2016 NRL Grand Final match-ups, key factors and pressure points and comes up with a winner for the big game.

DEFENCE

Undoubtedly, defence wins premierships. Indeed, of the past 10 winners, six have owned the best defensive stats. And in a year where NRL players have lied, held drugs “for a mate”, even sprayed Aerogard into their own mouths to beat a breathalyser, the best defence still belongs to Melbourne.

Point: Storm

CROWD SUPPORT

With Cronulla having secured 75 per cent of all tickets sold, expect ANZ Stadium to resemble a Pure Blonde commercial this Sunday.

Point: Sharks

Cronulla fans celebrate victory over the North Queensland Cowboys. Picture. Brett Costello

REFEREES

The Sharkies haven’t lost under referee Matt Cecchin this year, winning all four. Melbourne, meanwhile, have won three and lost three. But then you go to The Bunker and, well, nobody wins.

Draw

GRAND FINAL SUCCESS

Cronulla, as the old saying goes, couldn’t buy a premiership. Melbourne, meanwhile, have bought two. Although to be fair, they’ve also won a couple without the influence of speed boats.

Point: Storm

Craig Bellamy and Sharks coach Shane Flanagan. Picture: Colleen Petch

COACHES

Craig Bellamy survived a salary cap scandal while still building his club. Shane Flanagan survived an ASADA scandal while still tiling Cronulla’s gym floor.

Point: Sharks

FAIRYTALE FACTOR

Cronulla boast a yarn all Harold Holt, porch lights and Mick Ennis premiership farewell. Which NRL fans are moved by. Well, maybe not the Ennis part. Especially in Canberra. But the rest is touching.

Point: Sharks

Michael Ennis hopes to go out a winner. Picture: Getty Images

COLOUR

Blue is how you feel in October playing for Cronulla. Purple, meanwhile, is the colour of your body after trying to tackle Jesse Bromwich.

Point: Storm

WRESTLE

Sure, Cronulla could strangle the fun out of a trip to Disneyland. But Melbourne players come with their very own ‘Warning: Choke Hazard’ label.

Point: Storm

Luke Lewis brings a lot of experience for the Sharks. Picture: Brett Costello

EXPERIENCE

The Sharkies are the NRL equivalent of Yoda, or maybe William Shatner, with four players — Paul Gallen, Luke Lewis, Mick Ennis and Chris Heighington — boasting 1127 games combined. Melbourne, as a club, has played less than half that many.

Point: Sharks

WHO DOES SYDNEY LOVE

Or more specifically, who does Sydney hate least? Cam Smith or Mick Ennis? WrestleMania or Andrew Fifita? A history involving peptides or brown paper bags?

Point: Sharks (just)

This Cronulla cheerleader specialises in firing up the fans — literally. Picture Gregg Porteous

DEFINING NUMBERS

Melbourne lead the NRL for completions, run metres and fewest handling errors. Cronulla, meanwhile, are top two for tackle busts, offloads, total passes and forced dropouts. Hell, they even boast a busty cheerleader who twirls fire.

Point: Sharks

CLIVE CHURCHILL MEDAL

Melbourne have the two favourites, with Cam Smith and Cooper Cronk paying $5.50. Coincidentally, this is also what you’ll pay for a packet of chips at ANZ Stadium.

Point: Storm

Storm half Cooper Cronk is one of the favourites for the Clive Churchill Medal. Picture: Getty Images

RIVAL CAPTAINS

One is an Origin legend despised by Sydneysiders. And nobody likes Cam Smith much, either.

Draw

MASCOT STRENGTH

Facing a shark requires an Uzi. Facing a storm requires your umbrella.

Point: Sharks

’Reefy’ the Cronulla mascot has more bite. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

SUBURBAN WARFARE

Melbourne is famous for espressos, street art and bearded hipsters. Cronulla, meanwhile, is home to race riots, the bubbler and Australia’s worst reality TV show.

Draw

SHARPSHOOTERS

James Maloney, with his 77 per cent success rate, can basically kick everything but his love of a punt. Cam Smith, meanwhile, hits them at 75 per cent.

Point: Sharks

James Maloney gives the Sharks the edge in goalkicking. Picture: Getty Images

SMART MONEY

Melbourne have long sleeves, in Cheyse Blair, and short odds, paying $1.85. Cronulla, meanwhile, has a short fuse, in Andrew Fifita, but longer odds, at even money.

Point: Storm

CELEBRITY SUPPORTERS

Melbourne has Molly Meldrum, aka The Man In The Hat. Cronulla has Elle McPherson, aka The Body.

Point: Sharks

Sharks super fan Elle MacPherson. Artwork: Scott ‘Boo’ Bailey

Storm tragic Molly Meldrum. Picture: Colleen Petch

THE X-FACTOR

A tight one between Benny Barba, who has saved the most tries this season, and Suliasi Vunivalu, who has scored the most of any rookie — ever. Also in the mix, Origin archrivals Cameron Munster and Valentine Holmes.

Draw

AND THE WINNER IS ...

Sharkies. Nine points to six. At which point, right on cue, that booming, big band sound comes crashing over the loudspeakers. C’mon, sing it people: Up ... Up ... Cronulla ...