NRL 2023: Newcastle Knights coach Adam O’Brien opens up on losing his mum, speculation over his future

Sitting 14th on the competition ladder after 17 rounds, Knights coach Adam O’Brien was one loss away from being sacked. O’Brien reveals the inspiration behind Newcastle’s incredible turn around.

Newcastle Knights coach Adam O’Brien has opened up on the toughest year of his life.

At some stage before Newcastle runs out before a packed-out Go Media Stadium in Auckland on Saturday, Adam O’Brien will look down at the tattoo that covers his entire forearm.

The freshly dried ink is a tribute to his mum Maree who died in April. The Knights mentor sat down with Michael Carayannis to discuss the toughest year of his life for the first time.

From losing his mum, to speculation he was on the brink of being sacked as Newcastle’s coach. Somehow he guided his team to a 10-game winning streak, a fifth-place finish and into the second week of the NRL finals, despite sitting 14th on the competition ladder in June.

Even more remarkable is how he has been able to put on a brave face despite the deep-seated heartache which has shadowed him and his family this year.

Newcastle Knights coach Adam O’Brien has opened up on the toughest year of his life. Picture: Getty Images

O’BRIEN’S HEARTBREAK

O’Brien made Maree a promise. His healthy, vibrant and footy-mad mother’s health took a dramatic turn before the start of the season. An operation for a brain tumour resulted in a stroke and left Maree’s movement impaired. She never fully recovered, as her health deteriorated because of further complications.

“She lost the use of her right arm,” O’Brien said. “Because she had feelings in her right leg and could move her right eye we thought her body was still connected. I promised her that I’d get that arm moving. It was frustrating her but I told her I’d get her to Newcastle and we’d get it going.

“Ultimately it was a promise I couldn’t keep. That’s why the tattoo is on my right arm.”

The ink is distinctive. It covers his whole forearm.

“It’s a lion with a rose at the bottom,” he said. “We had a saying to fight like a lion and she was a Leo. But it has a rose too because I never witnessed her have a cross word with anyone. She was a beautiful human being with a big heart.

“I look at it every day. People think I’m 46 and getting a big tattoo that I may have lost my marbles but it’s my way of keeping her near me. When my dad saw it he said it was lucky it was for my mother otherwise I would be a one-armed NRL coach.”

The mother of Knights coach Adam O'Brien, Maree.

Maree tragically passed away in April, after complications following an operation for a brain tumour. Credit: Supplied.

The Knights are yet to lose a game since O’Brien had the tattoo finished. Naturally football took a back seat at times during this year although he made sure he never missed a training session or a match.

He spent hours in the car. First from Newcastle to Canberra where Maree was first admitted before she was transferred to Royal North Shore Hospital before she died in April.

Emotion still chokes his voice during the hour-long interview overlooking Merewether Beach.

“Mum was the best coach during that whole time,” O’Brien said. “She’d continually get set back after setback. During that 12-week period if it wasn’t weekly, it was fortnightly but she never outwardly showed her emotion.

“She didn’t want to die.”

Adam’s wife Sharyn and sister Lisa were almost permanently by Maree’s bedside. He too ensured he spent as much time as he could in the hospital room which had a Newcastle team poster on the wall.

“Mum was the most cranky whenever I spent too much time there,” O’Brien said. “She’d point to the poster and tell me to get back to the players. I told her I had the schedule and I wasn’t missing any training. Your family helps you find a way.

“I could drive that road with my eyes shut now.

“There were times there where I wanted to fall apart.”

The tattoo Newcastle Knights coach Adam O'Brien had done to honour his mother, who passed away this year. Picture: Michael Carayannis

Maree continued her lessons even when it looked like O’Brien’s world was crumbling around him on and off the field. Already with Kalyn Ponga sidelined indefinitely with a concussion issue, the Knights lost their inspirational skipper Jayden Brailey to a season-ending knee injury.

“I’ve had some dark moments this year and this was one,” O’Brien said. “I was in the hospital room with mum when I got the call about Brailz.

“I was emotional because it was Jayden and what he had already been through. Mum asked me what was wrong and after about 30 seconds of my whinge she grabbed my hand and told me ‘you’ll get on with it’ which is the exact words I’d been using to her for months.

“I remember driving back to Newcastle and thinking she was right. As much as I would do anything to change it for Brailz we had to find a way to get on with it.”

Somehow O’Brien coached on. Even he isn’t sure how he got through some matches. None more so than their round-seven game against Penrith in Newcastle which the Knights lost in controversial fashion in golden point.

O'Brien embraces his wife Sharyn after the Knights’ Round 26 win over Cronulla. Picture: Getty Images.

“I turned my phone off before the game thinking I would turn it back on to be told mum had passed,” O’Brien said. “We were told to say our final goodbyes. I made it to the game about an hour before kick-off. I was emotional driving back to Newcastle because I thought that was it. But my wife and sister said she watched the game and lived a little longer. There was so much emotion that night. We lost. There was a controversial hair-pull penalty. I was just on autopilot that whole game.

“Driving back to Sydney, I fell into a heap on the freeway.”

Maree died just days later.

The senior players knew of O’Brien’s situation but he tried to shield the rest of the squad as much as possible. Veteran back-rower Tyson Frizell praised O’Brien’s resilience.

“We all knew what was going on but he never once brought that to the players,” Frizell said. “I don’t know how managed to cope with everything that he went through.”

Ponga added: “Just to see him smile at the end of the day is awesome. He works so hard for us.”

KNIGHTS’ RESURGENCE

In the midst of his private heartache, O’Brien was battling to save his job. To put it bluntly, O’Brien was on the verge of being sacked. Just how close no-body knows but had his side lost to Canterbury in round 18 he almost certainly would have been axed.

The Knights were three spots from the bottom of the ladder and had won just two of their past nine games heading into the Canterbury match.

“I’ve heard more about that week now than I did leading up to that game,” O’Brien said.

“I don’t remember being too worried about it but I’ve heard since that it may have been the week (where I may have lost my job) but I wasn’t privy to anything.”

While dealing with tragedy behind the scenes, O'Brien was also fighting to save his coaching career. Picture: NRL Photos

The Knights went on to win 66-0. But the headlines continued. First it was a meeting with Des Hasler and then other names including Justin Holbrook, Paul McGregor and Michael Maguire were linked to O’Brien’s job.

“It’s never nice to hear any of that but if it did happen I don’t harbour any ill-feelings towards anyone because the club is bigger than any individual,” O’Brien said briefly before being stopped by an enthusiastic elderly wellwisher. “The people that wanted me gone weren’t in the inner-workings of the club.

“They didn’t recognise what the group was doing. I’ve had enough good teachings this year with what mum went through to not waste energy on things you can’t control. I’ve got a strong relationship with (chief executive) Philip (Gardner) and his board and they are the supportive of the path we are on.”

Since then the Knights have gone on to beat the Bulldogs again, Tigers, Melbourne, Canberra, Dolphins, South Sydney, Cronulla and St George Illawarra.

They leapfrogged into fifth place, booked themselves a home final and beat Canberra 30-28 in a loser-goes-home match.

“This year isn’t over for us,” O’Brien said. “But it’s a year I’ll look back on as one that I’m really proud of the playing group and staff. They’ve shown fight from the start and that’s all we’ve ever wanted.

“If you stand there and preach to your players that they need to show resilience and to keep fighting and not let the scoreboard pressure you, then you have to do it yourself.”

Among the joy of turning the season around there have been bad days too. Mother’s Day. NRL’s beanie for brain cancer round.

“Mum would be super proud,” O’Brien said. “She might have a middle finger up at a few people. The boys could never do anything wrong by her and she’d fight and stand up for them.

“I always say to Sharyn that I wish she was here and Sharyn reminds me that she is.”