Ben Stokes Ashes: English all-rounder’s special bond with father Gerard and fighting mental demons

The death of his father took an overwhelming toll on Ben Stokes who had to take leave from the game, but now he is back on our shores and the Aussies should be worried.

Ben Stokes has declared himself ready for the Ashes.

When Ben Stokes’s father was diagnosed with brain cancer in late 2019, the England cricket star would send him an on-field tribute – using a hand gesture with a missing middle digit – that would reach him on his television screen in Christchurch.

It was Ben’s nod to the courage of his father.

A former Kiwi rugby league international, Gerard chose to cut off his middle finger to continue his playing career after a freak accident on the field where his finger became dislocated and then broken when trapped in the sock of an opponent kicking back for a quick play-the-ball.

While amputating a finger is one thing, what became clear in the months after Gerard’s death last December last year is that trying to play on with a broken heart is quite another.

Catch all the ICC T20 World Cup action live & exclusive to Fox Cricket, available on Kayo. New to Kayo? Start your free trial today.

Stokes took indefinite leave from international cricket in July to address mental health concerns, with the toll taken by his father’s death at the centre of a struggle that had become overwhelming.

The fact Stokes — who has also recovered from two bouts of finger surgery — stepped off a plane with his England teammates at Brisbane airport yesterday ready to thrust himself back into Ashes battle, is testament to a cricket enforcer who is best summed up as a chip off the old block.

A young England cricketer Ben Stokes as a Warriors NRL fan in his native New Zealand. Source: Supplied.

Ben with his father Gerard.

“We had a little get together at the foot of the hill here in Christchurch and Gerard came in and he looked pretty crook that day and I thought, ‘geez, this could be the last time I see him.’ And it was actually,” said Frank Endacott, the former Warriors and New Zealand rugby league coach, who was asked to speak at Gerard Stokes’ funeral.

“Ben had come over here for that prior to his dad’s passing and I thought they had very similar characters.

“Ben was looking after his old man. He was looking after his dad. To me it showed great character. He was proud of his father as his father was of him. And it must have been bloody upsetting for him to leave New Zealand knowing he most likely wouldn’t see him again.

“They had a real good relationship those two and it’ll be remembered. It’s not nice seeing your parents die so young.”

English cricketer Ben Stokes (C) is welcomed by his parents Gerard Stokes (R) and Deborah Stokes as he arrives at Christchurch Airport.

When former Dally M medal-winning champion Gary Freeman took over as New Zealand coach in 2001, the first thing he did was ask Gerard Stokes – a revered hard man on the South Island where rugby league isn’t as popular as in the north – to come on as his assistant.

Why?

“Because you knew he always had your back,” said Freeman.

“In anything that was going on. One of the big things I found with him and his wife Debbie was they were just really honest people. And that’s why I got him.”

It’s an almost identical description to how England captain Joe Root sums up the presence of Ben Stokes in his team’s dressing room.

“Anyone who knows Ben, he always puts other people first,” said Root. “He is the heartbeat of the team.”

According to two of Gerard’s closest coaching mates in New Zealand, Jeff Whittaker and Phil Prescott, young Ben would follow his dad around at every Canterbury training session like a shadow.

The image every Aussie cricket fan dreads.

“Wherever Gerard was, Ben was about a step behind him. At that stage he always had a football with him. He was never too far away from a bit of mischief and Gerard was ever too slow to round him up,” said Prescott.

“Both red heads and both living life like it should be lived.”

Whittaker remembers Ben Stokes as one of the best footballers in the area, “eating, sleeping and drinking rugby league all his life.”

He was even more impressed when he met the England all-rounder again last year prior to Gerard’s death.

“He’s just a typical apple off Gerard’s tree. He’s physically and mentally tough, but the way he’s been brought up, he was always a good kid with it,” said Whittaker.

“If someone had to walk across the street and couldn’t do it, Ben would do it for them, I would put money on that.

“Ben was beside him and we came around just to be support for Debbie really. Because Debbie and Gerard were pretty close to be honest. There wasn’t one without the other.”

Friends expect Debbie Stokes will fly to Australia to see her son in the Ashes.

There are mixed feelings in New Zealand – experienced even by Gerard himself – about seeing Stokes represent England.

But watching him overcome his mental demons to face Australia is something they can all get behind.

“When I heard he’d made himself available and passed fitness I thought, ‘oh geez that’s going to add some spice to it,’ because he won’t take a backward step. He hates you blokes,” said Endacott.

“And if you’re going to beat Australia at any sport you’ve got to have guys who don’t go backwards. I know that for a fact. And he won’t.

Ex-England coach Trevor Bayliss speaks to Ben Stokes in the dressing rooms.

“The most important thing is that he’s touring and he’s in the right state of mind because it must have hurt him. It must have hit him hard. By the looks of it he’s come right again. So, so proud.”

Freeman said Stokes’ deserved enormous credit for having the courage to step away from the game.

“Super tough competitive bloke Gerard was. He typified what family is all about, he would do anything for his family and his son now is in the same boat,” said Freeman.

“There’s more mental toughness required now than there’s ever had to be with players because there’s more scrutiny. You’re under the pump. You have to be very strong. And you have to admire these guys that actually take the time out sometimes to get themselves back in condition.”

Stokes’ long-time England coach Trevor Bayliss said Stokes is a credit to his family and the definition of toughness in cricket.

“Not just physically but mentally as well. Having to take a bit of a break there proves that things can get on top of the best players. I’m just glad he’s fine and he’s OK,” said Bayliss.

“The way I’d describe him is he is very much a family man.”

Ben Stokes has declared himself ready for the Ashes.

It doesn’t do Australia much good now to dwell on what might have been if the planets had aligned and Gerard Stokes scored a coaching job in the NRL rather than the north of England.

But given rugby league is such a small world for professional coaches, it’s not outrageous to think that with a different set of sliding doors the family could have moved to Australia and Stokes might have worn the baggy green.

At the NRL’s Dally M Awards this year, Gerard Stokes was honoured in the tribute to players’ who had passed.

“I saw Gerard probably two or three months before he passed away. It was very sad. He was a very sick man,” said Prescott.

“He fought it right to the end. He was determined he was going to beat it, unfortunately it wasn’t beatable but he certainly gave it everything he could. That’s about as much as I can say.

“I played football with him, played against him. Gerard Stokes was a very tough customer. I’ve seen him in situations that other people wouldn’t have got up off the ground from and he was getting to his feet all the time.”

And that’s exactly what Australia must be ready for this summer.