Why we don’t care about the third kid
SORRY Catherine, nobody gives a rats about the third kid. And when a royal wedding clashes with the birth, well, let’s just say this time you’ll finally get some privacy, writes Kerry Parnell.
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SORRY Catherine, but nobody gives a royal rat’s about a third child — especially when the birth clashes with the Wedding of the Year.
While the world went gaga for Gorgeous George in 2013 and was almost — but not quite — as excited when Charlotte joined him two years later, it’s a sad truth that nobody cares when it comes to the third one.
It’s something you notice as soon as you announce you’re pregnant for the third time, which is met with congratulations from family and friends said with an inflection of mild panic that perhaps you’re going to be one of those loopy mothers who produces 12 children, appears on reality TV programs and has to knock two houses together to live in. Your boss just looks annoyed.
During your first pregnancy you wafted around like a fertility goddess with your tiny bump and glowing skin, attracting help from strangers everywhere who lifted your shopping bags and gave up their seats on the bus. People asked if it was your first and were overjoyed to hear it was, telling you your life would never be the same.
Fast forward to the third, when you look less fertility goddess and more fertile cow, they’ll instead make joking-not-joking comments like, “Are you sure it’s not twins?” All the time.
When you inform them it’s your third, they’ll look disgusted and won’t reply at all.
Expect zero assistance: You can be carrying a two-year-old, pushing a pram and lugging the shopping down the road and nobody, including your husband, will help.
As for gifts, a few relatives might post a card, but florists won’t experience a flurry. With your first, the hospital room could barely contain all the bouquets and balloons; this time you’ll be lucky to get a bunch of bendy tulips.
And where the firstborn received enough Pure Baby organic cotton onesies to open a pop-up store, the third will be lucky to get a pack of Bonds vests.
Frankly, I find the lack of interest in people’s subsequent children strange. Isn’t new life a wondrous thing, whether it’s your first, third or 33rd? What difference does it make how many other children you already have? And why do people disprove of big families anyway? I always thought I’d only have one child but ended up giving birth to three. And if time wasn’t against me I suspect I would have kept going. Babies are such a beautiful thing.
Obviously, the Duchess of Cambridge will still get a bonanza of booty, it being a royal baby and all — even one destined to be far down the line of succession. And everyone will pretend to be overjoyed for at least a day.
But there will be little time to indulge, as it will be straight on to the event of the year — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding on May 19. And then when the happy couple possibly share some more joyous news of impending parenthood in the not too distant future, quite frankly it’ll be game over.
After all, it will be Meghan’s first and we all know how special that is…