Why I’m not buying what Barnaby is selling

IF we learned one thing from last night’s Barnaby Joyce interview, it’s that when he’s cornered, he can bulldust like a champion, writes Justin Smith.

IF it wasn’t for the distasteful payment, the Sunday Night interview with Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion would have been a good one.

There was plenty of genuine emotion. There was drama. There was reality. And there was the expected awkwardness that you can only get from Barnaby.

When his face starts to glow, and his dry lips begin to move, it’s like watching one of those pimple popping videos on your Facebook feed — it’s hard to look away.

But there was one thing we really learnt about Barnaby from last night — when he’s cornered, he can bullshit beautifully.

After it was revealed that they would be getting $150,000 from Seven for the interview, he said that they had tried everything else to get privacy, and nothing had worked. So they would sell the story to get some peace.

Bullshit. There are dozens of ways they could have told their story with honesty and respect without getting money. And a highly experienced politician and Campion, as an intelligent and well-connected media adviser, would know that.

Vikki Campion and Barnaby Joyce during their interview on Channel Seven’s Sunday Night. (Pic: Channel 7)

They could have invited three or four respected and respectful journalists to a press conference and taken questions in a quiet setting of their choosing. Or they could have just done the Sunday Night show — with the same interviewer — but not taken payment for it.

In fact, from Joyce’s side, it would have been a much safer interview without the money because he would have been in a stronger position to set some ground rules before the camera was turned on.

But they took the money and say they don’t get a cent.

Then we had the awkward subject of Barnaby telling a newspaper that there was a “grey area” and the child may not have been his. Last night, with nowhere to hide, Joyce said that he and Campion had both decided to release that piece of information. Bullshit. Campion said she never agreed to “grey area” and she was clearly hurt by the story.

Campion and Joyce during with baby Sebastian. (Pic: Channel 7)

And Joyce said he only said “grey area” because they were under pressure and had news’ crews on their lawns and drones overhead. Bullshit. Why would he try to calm a story by releasing disinformation that would only heat it to a boil? And hurt his partner in the process.

Then Joyce tried to criticise his old boss because he wasn’t bullshitting enough.

He chastised Malcolm Turnbull for going out in public and saying what he really thought of the affair. He said it was “appalling”. But Barnaby says the PM forgot the “golden rule”, which is, according to him “You admonish someone privately and then support them publicly”. So “bullshit them” in other words.

The golden rule goes more like this, Barnaby: treat others as you wish to be treated. Maybe for you it should be: treat the voters as you wish to be treated — with honesty.

Personally, I have no issue with Barnaby and Vikki’s relationship. If he decides to leave his marriage to be with someone else and have nine children, best of luck to them.

Relationships are messy couplings. They are imperfect and painful and very few people come through without abrasions. And we all have hearts and brains and genitals. Often some parts will work while others are dormant.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a Deputy Prime Minister or nyphomaniacal postman from Alice Springs, love and sex and marriage are great levellers.

And here’s to little Sebastian, who should never be thought of as a mistake or illegitimate. Those days are over.

But to his father, let’s cut the bullshit please, lest we start a new piece of Australian slang and call it “Barnaby’s Choice”.

Here is the scene — two blokes are late meeting their wives at a function because they were playing golf.

“Are you gonna tell the missus we played another nine holes?” asks one.

“Nah, Barnaby’s Choice, mate. I’ll tell her car broke down.”

Justin Smith is a 3AW presenter and News Corp columnist

@justinsmith3AW

Originally published as Why I’m not buying what Barnaby is selling