Why do we hate people who love themselves?

Years of conditioning has made it near impossible for most of us to say anything positive about ourselves. But when someone like Justin Lacko can, we call them up themselves, writes Vanessa Croll.

I love myself.

I am happy. I am so hot. I love the way I look. I love my personality. There is nothing about myself I hate …

Just writing such self-absorbed statements makes me cringe. Why? Because as much as they should be true, and as much as I want them to be true, something about owning them just doesn’t feel right.

Years of conditioning from external sources has made it almost impossible for me to honestly say I am completely and utterly happy with the person I am today.

One year on from giving birth, I’m extremely conscious of the fact I don’t have my “pre-baby body” back. While this knowledge hasn’t stopped me from wearing a now ill-fitting bikini in public, it definitely occupies a worried space in my mind.

Why do we care about this in the first place? Because we’re exposed to that stupid phrase on a daily basis. How many times have you picked up or walked past a glossy celebrity-hyped magazine that doesn’t scream at you about someone’s “pre-baby body”.

Love Island alumni and model Justin Lacko has copped a lot of flak since entering the jungle on I'm a Celebrity thanks to his unabashed high opinion of himself. Picture: Instagram/Channel 10

Truth is, once you’ve had a baby you will never get your pre-baby body back because you can’t undo having a baby stretch your body from the inside until you have a watermelon-size mass inside you waiting for a way out. It’s literally impossible.

But we read the phrase and at some level believe it’s a thing and then feel shamed for not having what other women supposedly have.

This example is obviously related to women because I am one and it’s been my experience, but men aren’t immune to that constant negative inner dialogue.

We — and by we I mean society — are forever finding reasons to not be happy with who we are. Because if we were truly content with ourselves, we wouldn’t need to spend money on things that held promise of making us “better”. There’s a reason marketing is a growing profession.

And it’s not just about looks, it’s that constant negative narrator that critiques everything you do.

Just Justin doing Justin things 💁‍♂️ #ImACelebrityAU pic.twitter.com/1TVYH6cfJu

— #ImACelebrityAU (@ImACelebrityAU) January 16, 2019

“Why did you say that? They’re going to think you’re an idiot.” “That joke wasn’t funny, why would you tell that in front of your boss?” “Oh god, why did you ask to catch up with that person you admire, they’re so much better than you. You should cancel.” “That painting you did is nowhere good enough to post online. Take it down now before you look any more stupid.”

It’s a constant battle, trying to talk yourself out of being a self-hater.

So, when people like I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! contestant Justin Lacko openly talk about how wonderful and good looking they think they are, why do they cop so much ridicule and hate?

If you have no idea who I’m talking about, Lacko is a male model and currently serving his second self-imposed sentence on a reality TV show after Love Island last year.

On I’m a Celebrity, Lacko regularly makes remarks on how hot he is and how great he thinks he is.

Jesus Christ.... if Justin was any further up himself, he'd be inside out! #ImACelebrityAU

— BDavin68 (@bdv1968) January 16, 2019

During a recent episode he tried explaining to another contestant how people treat him differently because he’s good looking.

“I feel like something’s wrong with me. I feel like people find me boring and they go, ‘Oh he’s a model, he’s boring, I don’t want to talk to him’,” Lacko said. Adding: “I’m just a normal guy, but when I get all dressed up, I’m not going to be cocky but I will, I look amazing.”

Quite predictably, the self-assured young man copped a load of labels on social media and in follow-up stories online. He was called: “Arrogant”, “delusional”, “a complete and utter flog”, “up himself”.

Lacko should be applauded, really. He sees the system for what it is and instead of fighting it, he owns it. Not everyone thinks he’s attractive, because good looks really are subjective, but he really doesn’t seem to care.

Love Island and I'm a Celebrity star Justin Lacko makes no apologies for being his biggest fan. Picture: Instagram

Is that why he cops it? Because he doesn’t portray the same level of self-loathing so many of us do, consciously and subconsciously? Should he be pretending to dislike himself in order to seem more relatable?

Mission Australia’s most recent Youth Survey found young Australians rated body image as one of their top three concerns. That is a lot of youths unhappy with themselves.

According to The Butterfly Foundation, “negative body image is a precursor of serious social, medical and mental health issues including anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, stigmatisation and, potentially, eating disorders”.

Instead of looking at people like Lacko and hating him for loving himself, maybe those who despise him could actually learn a little from him.

It’s scary to look in the mirror and ignore your perceived imperfections and just say, “Damn, you’re looking fine” or “You have come such a long way. How wonderful you are”.

It’s even scarier to let another person know you think highly of yourself.

But maybe we all need a little dose of arrogance, even if we just keep it to ourselves.

If this article has raised any issues for you or someone you know, help is available via the Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673 or at [e-mail].

Vanessa Croll is a RendezView writer and producer.

@VanessaCroll