Why buying a house in Australia will send you insane

From real estate agents refusing to give you an asking price, to crazy Hunger Games auctions, buying a house in Australia has never been harder. Or more insanity inducing.

REIQ generic house sale

From no prices to sky-high auctions, here’s why house buying deserves a special place in hell:

Guess the price

Can someone tell me why you can’t purchase a house the same way you do any other item? That is, “For Sale, one stunning/needs renovating/absolute-dump-but-you’re-desperate house for sale, price $7 billion”.

You have a look, make an offer and buy it. After all we buy everything else from cars to sofas that way.

But not so for houses, of which only a minority are listed for sale with a price. The rest follow some kind of psychotic The Price Is Right formula where the purchaser must guess the mystery amount.

First you have to search for property, then contact the agent to ask for a price guide because of course, printing the actual amount they want in the ad would be absurd.

For the love of god, just tell us how much the house costs! (Pic: Supplied)

Previously the unwritten rule was that the price the agent quoted was an outright lie and you added at least 10 per cent on top. But this January new under quoting laws came into effect in NSW, meaning agents must state a realistic price bracket or risk being fined up to $22,000. Sounds good in theory.

While many agents are adhering to the laws and being open about the amount expected, others are refusing to give a price when asked. Nothing at all.

“I don’t know what the price is. Come and have a look and make me an offer,” one real estate agent told me. I was tempted to reply, “How about $12.95, that’s what I’ve got in my purse” but instead I just ruled out her annoying house. I haven’t got time to waste accidentally visiting three million dollar properties, which no doubt it was because it had things like, oh, a bathroom that wasn’t fitted in 1922 and a roof that didn’t belong on a cow shed.

Of course she knew what the figure was — the laws state the price must be written in the vendor’s contract. But bizarrely, she’s within her rights not to disclose it to me. She’s not under quoting, because she’s not quoting at all. A NSW Fair Trading spokesperson said, “Agents have the option not to include any price information at all (in writing, verbally or in advertising) when marketing residential property.” You cannot make this stuff up.

Two minute inspections

Forget having time to mull over the biggest purchase of your life, you have to battle hordes of people and decide if it’s for you in the 10 minutes you get to look. You get more time to think about what you want for your lunch.

Beware, real house inspections look nothing like this. This is why this is a stock image. (Pic: Thinkstock)

Even more annoying, you can’t see anything because 80 per cent of the crowd is made up of sticky-beaking neighbours ferreting through the linen cupboard.

Lower your expectations, then lower them some more

You start off with fanciful notions of things like three bedrooms, a garden, new kitchen and bathroom, in that nice area with a good school.

Then you start looking.

And before you know it, you’ve moved into a two bedroom shack by the side of a motorway, kitchen tacked on the back with a bit of tin in the 1960s, mouldy old bathroom and backpackers next door. And it only cost you $1.6 million.

Hunger Games Auctions

Having decided the house is for you, coughed up for an inspection and ignored all the bad things in it (how bad can termites be), you attend the auction, bank cheque in hand. Only to discover you’ll need to have the cunning of Katniss Everdeen to beat the other 18 couples and a developer who want it too. Raring to go, you watch in horror as the price jumps way past your ceiling in two seconds and it sells for $300,000 above the asking price — to a rich couple who only want it as in investment.

This isn’t going to end well. (Pic: Hunger Games)

Firstly, why are there so many rich people in Sydney and secondly, who in the hell has $300,000 more than their budget? And finally, was the asking price even real? In the past two weeks I’ve seen one home go for $400,000 above the listed price and another $200,000 more than the estimate, leaving disappointed buyers flummoxed.

In both cases agents initially said the vendor “wasn’t accepting offers” which sounds a bit strange, until you know that if offers are made, the agent is obliged to amend the asking price. Of course, it could well be that buyers just went bananas in absolute desperation. I can sympathise.

“It’s like the world’s hardest game of musical chairs, where 12 or 13 people are fighting over one chair,” says Tim McIntyre, The Daily Telegraph’s real estate editor. “Historically low interest rates continue to drive heightened demand and there is nowhere near enough property available.” His advice is to try to avoid auctions and make an offer beforehand.

But I’ve got another plan. If you see a harried mum with her Seed skirt on fire holding a bow and arrow outside the next open home, I’d avoid her if I were you.