What’s wrong with strength and resilience?

THE notion of toxic masculinity has become so prevalent, even Jesuit Social Services are joining the chorus of condemnation of strong men, writes Louise Roberts.

After a lifetime of being told strength is a man’s greatest attribute, they’re now being condemned for it. Picture: iStock)

IF you are a bloke in Australia, there’s now an extra step you have to take regularly in order to keep that hazardous masculinity of yours in check.

Wrestle that privilege. Be careful you are not living life according to the constraints of the “Man Box”, plagued by wrong and harmful attitudes triggered by the seven deadly sins of traditional manhood.

What are these cardinal crimes?

Well they are self-sufficiency, acting tough, physical attractiveness, rigid gender roles, relationships, risk taking, violence and bystander behaviour.

A new survey this week of 1000 men aged 18-30 years by something called the Men’s Project run by Jesuit Social Services aimed to map the idea of masculinity among young men in an attempt to help them be accountable for their behaviour.

The primary prism for this exercise was the aforementioned “Man Box”, defined as a set of beliefs “within and across society that pressure men to act in a certain way”.

If your actions fall too often inside the Man Box, our friends at Jesuit Social Services claim you will “perform particularly poorly” in areas such as mental health and wellbeing. Even worse, you are more likely to be the victim or perpetrator of violence or sexual harassment of women.

While surely the Jesuits — who have been educating young men for centuries — had the right intention, it seems they have swapped one stereotype of masculinity for another, even less helpful one.

Josh Kennedy is the Men’s Project ambassador, and plans to ensure his son Emilio knows it’s OK to cry. Picture: Colleen Petch.

No wonder young men feel increasingly punished for being born male are buckling under the pressure of being the right of kind man.

No room to breathe or develop into the type of regular decent men we know they will become.

Instead of burying the notion of toxic masculinity, we will not be satisfied until stereotyping creates a bloodless creature who never stands up for anyone, including himself, lest he be put in the dreaded Man Box.

Sure, women are attracted to intelligent, sensitive, kind, warm and compassionate men.

But men who are socially dominant, who are strategically risk-taking and who defend their position from the enemy — isn’t that the evolution of man?

Sydney Swans captain Josh Kennedy, who has been named the inaugural ambassador for The Men’s Project, wants to teach his son it’s okay to cry.

It perplexes me that a father feels he needs to do this. Certainly there was an era where men were encouraged to be tough and strong and able to ‘suck it up’. But that was last century.

Think about a newborn. Regardless of gender, they cry. They don’t need permission and nor does any man.

“What the Men’s Project is trying to achieve is to allow people to be themselves, and not feeling that they have to be any which way,” Kennedy said.

Ah, yes.

If you micromanage behaviour, it obliterates self-regulation. There’s no incentive or opportunity to practise.

Why can’t we just let nature take its course? Let them cry, let them have their tantrums (within reason), as we start to build the boundaries on which they start to learn.

Those boundaries, combined with a respect for their ability to express their emotions, will stand them in good stead for being able to manage their behaviour. As grown men.

The Jesuits’ survey results were illuminating: 46 per cent of those in the Man Box had made sexual comments to an unknown woman in a public place in the past month compared with seven per cent of those who felt less pressure to conform.

Thirty-eight per cent had been in a traffic accident in the past year compared with 11 per cent in the other group. Nearly half had bullied someone physically in the past month.

The Jesuits’ survey found men who observed rigid gender roles were at higher risk of a range of problems, including mental health issues and being victims or perpetrators of violence. Picture: iStock

Again, a survey group so not an accurate representation of all men.

But interestingly a sizeable number of young men believed men should act strong (47 per cent), be the primary breadwinners (35 per cent) and fight back when pushed around (34 per cent).

Don’t we want strong men and strong women for that matter?

The report says: “We found that social pressures around what it means to be a ‘real man’ are strong in Australia, and impact on the lives of most young men from a very young age. Two thirds of young men said that since they were a boy they had been told a ‘real man’ behaves in a certain way.

“The findings here are quite clear — young men see the rules of the Man Box being communicated and reinforced throughout society.

“The findings shed a new light on the social pressures that young Australian men experience to be a ‘real man’ and the impact this can have on their wellbeing, behaviours and the safety of our wider community.”

No wonder teenage boys are confused and think feminist means man hater.

For example, 54 per cent of young Australian men felt they were under pressure to solve their own personal problems without asking for help.

Isn’t that also known as resilience?

The report adds: “We need to raise awareness of the harms of the “Man Box”. And in doing so, let’s avoid a focus only on harms to men. We must also address how masculinity contributes to ongoing sexism and male privilege in society.”

There it is again — masculinity as the ultimate insult you could inflict on a man.

Why isn’t there a good man report?

Or a survey about diabolical femininity and the havoc this wreaks on society?

There are plenty of toxic women about.

And then this telling remark: “It is important to note the possibility that greater numbers of young men may comply with these norms in their everyday lives than they let on in the survey when asked of their personal views.”

I get what they are trying to do — help boys and men be the best they can

But they are going the wrong way about it.

Attacking men for the crime of being masculine is really of benefit to no one but many have missed that memo.

Helping boys and men lead lives that are decent and accountable is fine.

But in the process do we want to pathologise men into extinction? Let’s hope not.

@whatlouthinks