Why it’s way better to be Adele than Lady Gaga

Some poor researcher has been given the task of figuring out not only WHO likes Adele but WHY we are buying her new album in droves. Um, hello? It’s pretty bloody obvious...

DO you like Adele? Excellent, then you are most likely female, aged between 25 and 44, shop at Target, play soccer and smell personal care products before buying them.

Whoa! Smell what?

No, I don’t know what a personal care product is either. But in this brave new world of brand crunching, some poor researcher has been given the thankless task of figuring out not only WHO likes Adele but WHY we are buying her new album in droves.

It’s utter nonsense. Why didn’t they just come to me and save themselves a lot of money and bother.

Don’t they understand? We like Adele because she’s authentic, she doesn’t confuse stardom with talent and she makes music for herself which she’s kind enough to share with us. It’s got nothing to do with whether we hang out in aisle seven sniffing the difference between Summer Orchid and Citrus Spritz.

But clearly there’s dosh to be made in this brand caper so I’ve compiled my own self-funded white paper and plan to send it to a bigwig at one of those companies that do RITBO (Research Into The Bleeding Obvious).

It’s called What We Can Learn From The Most Popular Singer In The World Right Now and because I’m a nice person I’m offering it to you at a freemium.

So...

What’s not to learn from a woman who knows the value of a good cuppa? (Pic: Jonathan Bentley)

What We Can Learn From Adele™

Where you come from is not who you will be

Adele was born in Tottenham (God-awful part of North London) and raised in West Norwood (God-awful part of South London). Both are shabby, cheerless suburbs where dreams go to die unless your dream is to run a kebab shop.

Her mum, who had her at 18, raised her single-handedly after Adele’s dad left when their daughter was two. The singer revealed recently her childhood ambition was to become a heart surgeon after her grandfather died when she was 10.

“I wanted to fix people’s hearts,” she said. I think we can safely say she has.

The spotlight is not a life goal

In an era when everyone is clamouring for fame, fans and followers, Adele remains resolutely interested in music for its own sake. She’s only 27 but she’s worked out that truth and contentment are found in the quiet corners of your own life not via adulation from anyone else.

Reinvention is wearying

It must be knackering being Madonna or Kylie or Lady Gaga and having to feed the beast that is newness. Adele sticks with big hair, diva eyes and sparkly black dresses because they showcase the best version of her.

She’s worn the same perfume — Poison — since she was a teenager. Change is great but pursued with zeal it can leave you neurotic and broke.

She laughs

Exuberant, self-mocking and seemingly delighted by life, Adele is a superstar in the body of a cockney barmaid. Her recent prank impersonating herself was comedy gold. In those moments she’s Dawn French meets Joan Collins shot through with the spirit of that chick who sung Walking on Sunshine.

She’s the girl you know you could be if you lightened up.

She breathes

Of course she breathes — Hello is as much a master class in breath control as it is in ballad belting. Rather, she gives herself time to grow. The best work doesn’t come from a punishing cycle of touring and recording but from the adventures and reflection in between.

It’s the case for all of us. As she once said: “It’s not real life, this, sitting in a taxi all day. I can’t put that in a song.”

She likes her body

Designer Karl Lagerfeld once commented that she was “a little too fat” which is charming from a man as waxy and expressionless as a cadaver. Adele has long said she doesn’t want to be “some skinny minnie with my tits out”.

As she says: “There’s only one of you, so why would you want to look like everyone else.”

She values her work

She refuses to do product endorsements — “you don’t want to get addicted to making money for doing shit things” — and withheld her full album from streaming outlets like Spotify so that fans would actually purchase the song. They have. In their millions. The takeaway: Do something well, with integrity, and the people will come.

She feels

For all her old school glamour, she’s still a girl who’s wept on a street corner after being dumped. She inhabits heartbreak but she knows most things are made better with a cry and a cuppa.

She had a mummy meltdown

Like any of us who have given up work to raise a child, she had a wobble upon coming back. “I lost my confidence and couldn’t find myself for a while because I was just a mum.”

Oh sister, we hear ya.

She likes herself

Adele set herself a goal of not being a celebrity. “I think I’ve done a pretty good job of it actually,” she says. It’s a fine thing to be a global phenomenon — or anyone, really — and be happy with who you are.