What if mums actually want to stay home with their babies?

Many see the lack of fathers taking primary parental leave as shameful and sexist, but what if it’s because mothers want to be home with their infants? Why is that so unthinkable, asks Dr Jane Fynes-Clinton.

When men become fathers, not much changes. When women become mums, the shift is seismic.

A new study on parental leave is being held up as the ultimate proof that Australia is still a land divided along gender lines. Commentators see this as simply shameful, sad and sexist. But where babies are concerned, surely it is allowable for heart to play a part alongside head?

The Australian Institute of Family Studies analysis of Australian Bureau of Statistics data found that just one in 20 dads took primary parental leave: a stunningly low proportion by global standards.

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The conversation around the latest revelation has been almost exclusively economic and labour-force related and, yes, we are lagging in the world in treating babies as an interruption to productivity and society, rather than a hopeful sign of its future.

Australia does not have a nationally legislated approach to shared parental leave, meaning fathers are often labelled as secondary carers. Picture: Supplied

But surely it could also be that mums can revel in their newborn and choose to be with them in their early months too? Oddly, there has been little mention of that in the ensuing discussion.

The stubbornly-pesky gender pay gap continues to be blamed, this time because a dad on parental leave creates a kind of gendered pay gap in a household budget.

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The problem is systemic, too. Australia does not have a nationally legislated approach to shared parental leave, meaning fathers are often labelled as secondary carers.

Both government and employer paid parental leave schemes require that the person who gets the pay is the primary carer and secondary carers are rarely entitled to supported leave because it is seen as double dipping.

Is it that hard to believe mums want to stay at home, even when it’s time to potty train? Picture: Supplied

In most countries that have a balanced approach and shared care, mums and dads are seen as a collective, and they can split the time in a way that works for them. But here, the report confirms, women’s employment takes a chop after the birth of a child, with new mums leaving, becoming casual or going part time in droves.

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While dads are more involved in child care these days, the report showed actual time worked is more likely to remain the same, with flexible hours or working from home arrangements taken on instead.

There are cultural perceptions at play too, and these are no small niggles. In the world of stable, permanent work, if a man takes a large chunk of time off, his commitment to the firm is questioned, covertly if not out loud.

But women are expected to take time to look after their baby, with some serious noise being made if she is overlooked for promotion after returning.

The economy’s building blocks are families and the mortar is taxpayers. The Government has a vested interest in supporting both.

But what if dads are not taking paid parental leave because the mothers want to be home with their infants? Why is it so unthinkable?

It is unfashionable to suggest there is a biological, primal pull in new mums, whose heads and household budgets need paid work but whose hearts burst for their babies. Wanting to look after an infant is considered the sentiment of someone old-fashioned, surrendered, a rude betrayal of the sisterhood.

All this is ironic, given there is little else more utterly female or feminine than caring for a baby.

Any conversation about caring for babies should always include sense as well as dollars.

Dr Jane Fynes-Clinton is a mother and journalism lecturer at the University of the Sunshine Coast.

@janefynes

Originally published as What if mums actually want to stay home with their babies?