Unpopular opinion: vegans don’t deserve Cornettos

NO amount of soya bean can recreate the classic foods from our childhood. So why are vegans so determined to keep trying, asks Katy Hall.

IF you’re of the vegan persuasion, there’s a good chance you’ll be doing a happy dance today.

Iconic ice cream maker Streets has just announced that a new Cornetto is on the way. And it’s not just any old Cornetto, but a no-animals-were-harmed-in-the-making-of-this-frozen-delicacy Cornetto.

A vegan Cornetto.

From a business perspective, Streets’ move is a pretty smart one that follows in the footsteps of other food giants like Dominos, who also recently jumped aboard the vegan train by offering its diners the option of topping their greasy, greasy pizzas with vegan mozzarella.

Because in case you missed it, eating junk food that’s ethically clean is the new black.

And while diversifying your product range may be good for business, it’s nothing short of a sellout for those consuming it.

The vast majority of practising vegans cite ethical beliefs as the reason behind their eating habits, arguing that consuming animal products is bad for animals, bad for the environment and bad for a human’s health. And on some fronts of the argument, they’re right.

But, and I say this as a one-time vegan that failed after a mere six months myself, there’s a certain hypocrisy involved in attempting to recreate what has been sacrificed for the greater good in soya bean form.

Not all foods are created equal. (Pic: supplied)

There’s a price to pay for walking the talk and, in the case of vegans, that’s saying goodbye to a lot of foods and food groups that you may happen to have formerly loved. In exchange, they get to feel good about the life they’re living and look down on those of us who refuse to live in a world without dairy.

In other words, you can’t have your Cornetto and eat it, too.

Or your mock meat chicken nuggets or Christmas tofurkey or your facon rashers for that matter. (Keep the walnut cheese, though. That’s all yours.)

Like what tofu and tempeh are to vegans, Golden Gaytimes and Cornettos and Maxibons are to us non-conformers. They get the social superiority and the rest of us get the tasty food that will eventually kill us one day, damn it.

Now, I’m sure that there are vegans reaching for a spike on which to skewer my head to and lay down at the altar of PETA as I write this, but this conundrum is what it is.

We get Cornettos and they get Frosty Fruits and there’s nothing they can do about it ... Except wait for the vegan Cornettos to hit the frozen foods aisle and rub it in my face, I guess. They can always do that.

Katy Hall is a writer and producer at RendezView. Follow her on Twitter @katyhallway.