Things no-one ever tells first-time parents

Horror stories and tales of sleep deprivation aside, there’s a lot to love about being a first-time parent. After all, when else can you sing out loud and not be shouted down, writes Kerry Parnell.

As Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex prepare for their baby, it’s now that the “things no-one ever tells first-time parents” lists will start appearing, warning of all the awful stuff they will have to endure.

There’s nothing like reading a catalogue of doom just before you give birth.

Harry and Meghan will discover soon enough and can be sure to tell their nannies all about it. But while everyone is banging on about the bad side, the truth is, you are also about to enter a wonderland. Here are some of the best parts of becoming a parent.

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1. You made a person.

That first moment, when you’re handed your bright red, scrunched-up bundle of baby is the biggest shot of euphoria you will ever experience. The joy in the delivery room is tangible. And you made this; you created a whole new person. You, who can’t even put together an Ikea shelf unit. Job done Mum and Dad, job done.

With the arrival of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s first child nearing, the couple have much to look forward to. Picture: AP/Frank Augstein

2. They’re all yours.

After the rapture of meeting your baby, you now realise the midwife has just given this new person to you. And walked off. Unlike anything else important in life, you didn’t have to pass a test and concerningly, didn’t receive any training. You just get your child and are told you can go home with them. It’s simply amazing.

3. They’re precious.

The love you will have for your child — yes, even during those times when they test it to the extreme — is like no other. It’s all-consuming, primitive, powerful. It’s like having an invisible rope tethering them to you at all times. And despite sometimes feeling like that rope is dragging you down, you would never, ever, sever the tie.

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4. You will be baby dorks.

You can spot a first-time parent a kilometre off. You are just adorable - pushing your gleaming new pram with a slightly deranged grin on your face as you gaze anxiously at Junior riding along like a maharajah. Is she/he too hot, too cold, hungry, sick, tired? You pick up your baby as though it were made of eggshell and might crumble away in your hands. You may be more relaxed with any subsequent children, but nothing will beat the slavish devotion you give your firstborn. And it’s gorgeous.

When you’re a new parent it’s impossible to not be a baby dork. Picture: Matrix

5. The smell.

It’s a cliche, but my god, babies smell divine. Sniff that head and get high on the happy pheromones as much as you can, because it’s gone after a few weeks.

6. They’re beautiful.

You will also believe your child is the most beautiful baby on the planet, even when frankly it is not. Take a zillion photos a day, plaster them on Facebook, bore your friends rigid, it’s your right.

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7. You can sing.

One of the nicest things about becoming a parent is you can legitimately sing in public. Nursery rhymes and lullabies will emerge from storage in your brain and you won’t care who hears you. It’s liberating and does as much good for you as the kid. Later, as they grow, you can add in dancing. And that’s when you realise your child saved your soul.

Kerry Parnell is a columnist for The Sunday Telegraph.

@KerryParnell