Six years later and Rob Oakeshott is still talking…

This election is about to get exciting: Rob Oakeshott is back. Yes, the man who took 17 minutes to announce his support for the Gillard government is enthralling us with a new speech.

That speech... Rob Oakeshott and Tony Windsor at a joint press conference at Parliament House in 2010 announcing their support for Julia Gillard to form minority government.

It’s fair to say that the election campaign has been a pretty dull affair so far but voters have been electrified recently by news that will change all that in a heartbeat.

Yes, Rob Oakeshott is making a comeback.

Oakeshott is of course famous for keeping the nation enthralled for the 17 minutes he took to announce he would support the Gillard government — an incredible speech which, according to witnesses, felt longer than the 17 days it had taken him to make up his mind.

Now, in yet another extraordinary EXCLUSIVE, I have obtained a transcript of Rob’s speech announcing whether or not he will in fact return to public life — and I think it’s fair to say it’s every bit as thrilling as the one he gave just six short years ago...

Former MP Rob Oakeshott’s speech as to whether or not he will return to public life follows. Pull up a seat, folks, this might take a while...

ROB OAKESHOTT: Before I tell you whether or not I will contest the seat of Cowper, which is of course based around the mid-north coast of New South Wales, Australia, a country situated on Earth, which is the third planet out from the sun in the solar system but sixth if you’re coming from the other direction or seventh if you count Pluto, which astronomers have been divided upon for some time, I want to take you through some of the reasons behind the decision I have made — or indeed haven’t made — today and in the lead up to today, which I guess goes back all the way to 2010, although I don’t want to dwell on that period too much, notwithstanding the fact that it was in fact a very successful government and we managed to pass a record amount of very important legislation, not the least of which was the carbon tax which will be a key part of Australia leading the world in tackling climate change or at least would have been had it not been repealed as soon as the government got voted out — although technically I didn’t get voted out because I didn’t stand for re-election even though I said I would and stand by my convictions and totally would have won no matter what the polls said because there’s only one poll that matters and that’s the one on election day but not the election I didn’t contest in 2013 but the election I might contest on the second July but before I get to that I want to go through some of the background leading to what I am about to announce — or not announce — today, which is that elections are very important because they allow the people to have their say and pass judgment on the actions of our public figures, except of course from me and Tony Windsor, who also didn’t stand for election last time around but that was a total coincidence and for personal reasons which were completely different to my personal reasons and even though he’s come back to stand for re-election three years later that has nothing to do with my decision to stand for re-election three years later, or not as the case may be, and my final decision is —

JOURNO: Er, Mr Oakeshott — it’s now July 3.

For more interminably long statements that don’t really go anywhere, you can watch Joe on Studio 10 from 8.30am weekdays on Channel 10.