Revealed: the perfect Australian woman

SO what does this idealised creature look like, asks Sarrah Le Marquand? Well, she works 34 hours per week and is fond of walking around in a swimsuit paired with high heels.

Miss Universe entrants. (Pic: Julie Kiriacoudis)

AFTER years of futile research conducted by scientists and countless more-than-a-little creepy polls carried out by men’s magazines, the results are finally in — the perfect Australian woman has officially been discovered.

So what, you might wonder, does this idealised creature look like? Well here’s what we know: she works precisely 34 hours per week and is fond of walking around in a swimsuit paired with high heels. As you do.

There was much debate last week over the results of a study that concluded the optimal work limit for women is a mere 34 hours per week, compared to an average 47 hours for men — with the disparity explained by the additional time women tend to domestic and care-giving responsibilities.

Now a sensible person might think that rather than reduce the PAID hours logged by the female half of the population, we as a society could gently remind the good people of Australia that duties such as cooking dinner, cleaning the bathroom and supervising homework are non-negotiable, gender-neutral and often thankless responsibilities to be equally shouldered by all members of a household.

But no, no, no — fear not, there was no such logical nonsense to be found in reporting of the Australian National University study, with “helpful” headlines declaring: “Women ‘should work SHORTER weeks than male colleagues’ — to prevent burnout”.

Ahh but of course. The answer to the lingering uneven distribution of domestic tasks in 2018 is not to address the actual cause, it’s to come up with a half-baked “solution” that only serves to entrench the problem for generations to come.

There’s nothing like a spot of shopping with the girls. Aussie Miss Universe entrants launch their campaigns. (Pic: Jay Town)

Let’s not dare to consider outcomes that might serve both men and women better — like, say, proposing a unisex working week that allows everyone to better manage their home and work lives — when we can simply wind back the clock.

Women of Australia, don’t bother with that pesky matter of earning a living when there is laundry to do! Don’t worry your pretty little heads about holding down a job — much less building a career — when there are toilets waiting to be scrubbed.

The answer to having it all? Simple! Leave work early so you can tend to those tiresome household chores while the “real” employees (IE: the men) stay chained to their desks and get recompensed for their labour.

And this is what passes for gender equality in modern Australia? Why not just be done with it and dial down the working week for the average Australian woman to a 1950s-inspired sum total of zero hours so instead of worrying about the stress of paid employment the little woman can just worry about the stress of housework?

And there you have it: the perfect Australian woman = a woman who is far more preoccupied with unpacking the dishwasher than unpacking the rewarding chaos of a busy week with her equally busy husband or partner.

Speaking of the perfect Aussie woman, they don’t come any more perfect than the genetically blessed and articulate likes of those self-possessed and ambitious young women who take the stage at beauty pageants.

Yes, like it or not, beauty pageants still exist — and while there’s sound arguments that the entire spectacle should be obsolete in 2018, it seems needlessly dour to demand their imminent demise.

I also happen to personally know several of the women who first launched careers in this country in the wake of serving as Miss Universe Australia and can attest to their intelligence and talent. So while I’m not calling for an end to pageants per se, I do welcome the news that Miss America has deemed its contestants will no longer be required to strut onstage in swimsuits as part of the competition’s official proceedings.

Monika Radulovic, Miss Australia 2015 competes in Las Vegas.

Parading in a two-piece for the benefit of a judging panel and a television audience of millions? To consign such exploitative cruelty to history is surely a long-overdue crawl towards the 21st century, and yet the decision has been met with scepticism aplenty here in Australia with passionate defenders of the swimsuit competition lamenting the loss of a young woman’s apparent constitutional right to parade her curves for the benefit of viewer enjoyment.

After all, we’re told, it’s about “choice”. A word that has never quite recovered from being embraced by pole-dancers the world over as a term of so-called empowerment.

In reality, choice is a notion that has nothing to do with these issues. Contrary to what the bumpers stickers might tell you, feminism is not about choice. Feminism is about equality.

And until the day that men are clamouring for the right to strut across a stage in a swimsuit for the benefit of a televised beauty pageant — and until the day that men are demanding they take a 13-hour a week pay cut so they can pick up the groceries on the way home — then let’s at least be honest.

Choice is not the same as equality. And the perfect woman does not exist.

But come the day that Australia men are prepared to cut short their working week to hold their own on the domestic front, and come the day that male beauty pageant contestants are prepared to prove their worth in a bikini, then I will gladly admit I am wrong.

Sarrah Le Marquand is the editor-in-chief of Stellar magazine and the founding editor of RendezView.