My granddad was sad I was a girl

IT’S not that long ago that the birth of a girl was considered a disappointment. If parents are now less likely to favour boys over girls, well, that’s exactly as it should be, writes Renata Gortan.

SO yesterday was International Women’s Day.

You might have noticed that your news feeds were full of feel good stories about women doing great stuff, Instagram was all about tagging #thefutureisfemale and op-eds ranged from you go girl to why do we even need IWD in the first place?

Because we’re still not there yet. If we were, we wouldn’t have had op-eds that missed the mark completely, reminding us to think of how men are feeling on the one day in the year that we set aside to celebrate women. Probably like women feel the other 364 days.

My colleague Louise Roberts yesterday noted a report in the New York Times highlighting a report suggesting Americans may now no longer prefer sons over daughters — as if that’s a bad thing. “Don’t forget our boys”, she suggested.

But really, isn’t it about time?

It’s about time that daughters aren’t seen as not good enough in Chinese culture where the former one child policy meant female foetus’ were aborted or young babies abandoned so that they could try again for the right sex. It’s about time that daughters aren’t considered a burden because of the dowry, or cost of the wedding these days, that had to be paid down the track. It’s about time that women aren’t believed to be inferior because they weren’t blessed with a penis.

In The Godfather a well-wisher tells Don Corleone (played by Marlon Brando) that he hopes his grandchild is a boy. (Pic: Paramount)

In order to change the way we view women, we need to talk about women. We need to give them the space and the platform to tell their stories and we need to change the way we talk about women.

Language is powerful — it can empower or cause one to cower.

My family background is Italian and even though I was born in Australia, I was raised in a culture that prioritises men over women. The idea that surrounded me growing up was always that I was less than. Think I’m exaggerating? There’s an old Italian toast that goes; “Auguri and figli maschi,” which means congratulations and I hope you have male children.

It’s a popular wedding toast. Think back to The Godfather, where Luca Brasi greets Don Corleone and says “I am honoured and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter’s wedding... And I hope that their first child is a masculine child.”

It’s worse when it comes from a woman, telling another woman that she should bet on having a boy.

Why are male children seen as preferable to female ones?

My mum used to tell what she thought was a funny story, until I called her out on it. When my grandfather walked into the hospital ward after I was born and saw that it was decorated in all things pink, he walked out.

It wasn’t that long ago the birth of a girl was considered a disappointment, and in some countries, it still is. (Pic: iStock)

That’s not the man I remember, I remember a sweet, loving Nonno who I could twist around my little finger, but mum tells me he pretty much ignored me until I started to exhibit a personality and saw me as a little person rather than just a girl.

It’s always annoyed me that my mother tells this story with affection rather than exasperation. She sees it as the tale of a man who falls in love with his granddaughter while I read it as an instant dismissal of who I am not based on anything other than my gender.

While this is my experience, it’s not one confined to Italian culture. A lot of women I know tell similar stories about how they were unconsciously taught to be less than, that they were less important than their brothers and that life would hold less for them.

It’s about time that changes.

When the language we use to talk about women changes, when the subtly sexist jokes are called out and when we don’t need to defend our right to have a place in the world then we’ll no longer need to celebrate International Women’s Day.

Until then, don’t forget that #thefutureisfemale and #weshouldallbefeminists.

Renata Gortan is a Daily Telegraph feature writer.