Most victims of violence are women, not men. That’s just a fact

“But what about the male victims?” The more I write about men’s abuse of women, the more I am asked this question.

“But what about the male victims?”

The more I write about men’s abuse of women, the more I am asked this question.

There was the email I received from the new partner of a man who says he was laughed at for reaching out to a domestic violence service.

Or the male MPs who told Parliament of men in their electorates reporting abuse.

It’s not wrong to ask the question. The problem is there’s not been a lot of clarity on the answer.

Yes, there are women who manipulate the Family Court process or belittle their partners with withering bitterness.

Violence occurs in all types of relationships; including female to male, child to parent or same-sex couplings.

There is also a spectrum of abuse, from overtly physical and threatening to subversive control of finances, emotional manipulation or demeaning language.

But the data we have is clear on one thing — the overwhelming majority of victims are women.

SA Police say only 10 to 15 per cent of the 10,000 domestic violence incidents they attend each year would involve a male victim.

Conversely, 90 per cent of intervention orders taken out to protect victims of domestic abuse are issued against male offenders.

The most recent ABS Personal Safety Survey, in 2012, reported that 87 per cent of domestic violence victims were female.

UniSA researcher Sarah Wendt, who has specialised in this field for more than a decade, says international data shows up to 97 per cent of perpetrators are male.

“It is men who are represented at the most severe levels of perpetrating this form of violence,” she says.

“It is women who are being murdered as a result of domestic violence and not the other way around.”

This kind of discussion is not meant to ostracise men or exclude them from an important public debate.

Men should have ready access to support services if they are the victim of violence or non-physical abuse — just as women should.

Men should not be deterred from coming forward and they should be heard when they do — just as women should.

But so many more men fill the role of abuser than victim and the services they need are ones to help change their behaviour.

Unfortunately, perpetrator programs are lacking in our response to domestic violence — despite their ability to address the problem at its cause.

Those programs that do exist are underfunded, with long waiting lists.

We need a range of responses to the issues arising out of this public debate we are having about domestic violence.

But we also need to be clear about exactly what it is we’re talking about.

There can be conflict in any relationship, but we are now recognising the difference between this and a deliberate — and often hidden — pattern of control, intimidation and fear.

Addressing the National Press Club earlier this year, anti-domestic violence campaigner Rosie Batty said women were capable of violence “but I don’t know of how many men will be living in total fear of their lives”.

“The degree of terror that a man exerts over his family is profoundly different,” she said.

The Coalition for Men Supporting Non-Violence echoes this sentiment in a submission to an SA parliamentary inquiry.

It warns that focusing on a minority of male victims “can adversely influence efforts to address the fundamental problem: men’s violence against women, gendered violence”.

“It is extremely rare for men to experience fear as a result of their partner’s alleged behaviour,” the submission says.

“It is far more likely for the men to perceive their partner’s behaviour as acts of defiance and disrespect, which usually leads to an escalation of violence by the men.”

As we continue this national discussion, it’s important to remain focused on why it began.

Women and children are dying because of men’s violence.

Working to stop that from happening will benefit everyone.

Lauren Novak is Political Reporter for The Advertiser.