Men can’t have it all, any more than women can

TIM Hammond’s resignation is a loss for public life, but he’s shown that it’s not only women who struggle to blend career and family, writes Victoria Hannaford. Hopefully he’s made it easier for other men to admit it.

AN emotional speech with a declaration that family should come first.

We’ve heard this all before from politicians, but usually in the guise of policy or a party position — or in the case of Barnaby Joyce, delivered as a staccato series of speeches over the course of a few months, ending in the most recent request that taxpayers foot the bill for keeping families together by having partners of pollies on the payroll.

This time however, it came from Labor’s MP Tim Hammond, who has just announced he will be resigning as the member for Perth, because he needs to prioritise his home life.

“It wasn’t working in relation to how present I needed to be at home, as a dad to three wonderful little children,” he told a Perth radio station during an emotional interview this morning.

While Joyce’s proposition was rightly derided as somewhat entitled, he was making a serious point. Life in politics is hard on the politician, but also extremely tough on their families.

Hammond follows in the footsteps of his fellow Labor MP Kate Ellis, who has also decided that life split between her home town of Adelaide and Canberra, while trying to raise a young family, wasn’t going to work.

There shouldn’t be any difference when a man announces that raising a family and being a present partner are his main priority, but there’s no denying Hammond’s decision and his reasonings are significant.

When politicians so often employ weasel words, hyperbole and pivot in response to probing questions, Hammond’s plain speaking and honesty on what really matters to him is refreshing.

“The reality is that I thought I had an appreciation of how to manage my duties as a Federal Member of Parliament in a way that did not have such an impact on my family,” he said.

“I got that wrong. I just did not anticipate the profound effect my absence would have on all of us.

“As a direct result of me being away from home, the strength of the relationships that I have built with my children have suffered in a way that is simply unsustainable for us as a family, and me as a dad.

“ ... The most important thing for me is my children and my wife and the love that I have for them.”

It was also — ironically, considering his planned exit from public life — a real moment of leadership.

Tim Hammond with his wife Lindsay and daughter Sidney. He’s announced he’s leaving politics to spend more time with his young family. (Pic: Marie Nirme)

Men are too often left out of the equation when it comes to public discussion and acknowledgment of parenting duties. For all the strides feminism has made for women in the workplace, men who put their families first — by speaking about it, or in the form of leaving work for a parental responsibility — are all too rare. It’s the giant gap in the feminist movement; that we’ve made things better for women who want to balance a family life with a career, but rarely are there allowances made in modern workplaces for men wishing to do the same. They’re expected to stay completely focused on their working life — publicly, at least — no matter what their family responsibilities might be.

But if we really want equality between the sexes, it’s something we need to change, because feminism has somehow stalled at the moment when women are expected to be fully committed to both a family life and their work. Surely the purpose of the women’s movement was to pave the way for a more equal division of duties between parents, rather than men continuing their working lives having to pretend their families don’t exist for the sake of their careers.

So Hammond has spoken up about the importance of his family, but sadly, it’s at the cost of his nascent career in federal parliament. The regrettable loss of a good politician is something even his political opponent Liberal Senator Mathias Cormann acknowledged.

“Public service as a federal politician from WA is tough on our families. There is no question about that. So I understand and respect the decision that he and his family have come to. It is our State’s loss that Tim will now not continue to pursue his federal political career to its full potential,” he said in the statement, released this morning.

Hammond will return to work as a lawyer, his profession before entering politics, and in his words “continue to make a contribution”. But hopefully in time, we will view his articulating his choice of family over an all consuming career as another huge contribution; by kickstarting a crucial conversation for men who want to be able to put their families first.

Victoria Hannaford is a RendezView writer and producer.

@vhannaford

Originally published as Men can’t have it all, any more than women can