Melissa Ferrari: Why January is the busiest month for divorce
Christmas is over, the new year is upon us and we’re finally settling back into work. It’s also the time that many choose to call it quits on their marriages. Here’s why, writes relationship expert Melissa Ferrari.
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Family lawyers love January.
Not because of the sun or the beaches, but because it is one of the most popular times for couples to commence divorce proceedings.
The first month of the year is well known among the legal fraternity as ‘divorce month’, with research confirming a major uptake in breakups across the country post-holiday season.
It seems that a return to work and normal life makes people realise that the thought of another year with their partner is a bridge too far, so it’s off to the family lawyer they go.
It is often thought that the high number of January breakups is caused by stress and pressures of the holiday season, with couples spending a lot of time closely together and making the call that they have simply had enough of each other.
The reality is, though, that the cause behind the decision to leave has almost always been building for some time, in some cases years before.
In my practice, I’ve had couples who made the decision to leave some eight years before they did, looking for the kids to get through school before making the call to call it quits.
That’s a long time to be living an unhappy life detached from your partner.
The impacts upon children who live in a loveless relationship should also not be ignored. Our kids mimic our behaviour, and if they grow up in a loveless home with each parent effectively living a separate life they’re likely to have issues with intimacy in their own relationships later on.
As such, there is no positive outcome for anyone in staying together in such a circumstance.
It is not selfless to ‘put the kids first’ and suffer through. It’s also not mature to avoid facing the issues within your relationship. Remember, you came together for a reason and if you can touch again upon that love again, then you may well find a reason to fight to stay together.
Before going on holidays, you may have had a flirtation at the office that perhaps turned into something a little more at the Christmas party and now you are back in the office and are thinking of pursuing something free of your relationship.
MORE FROM MELISSA FERRARI: Why even happy couples should see a counsellor
But hold your horses. For starters, we live in the era of #MeToo, and pursuing that relationship may not be the most positive step for your career. Many businesses now have a parliament-style ‘bonk ban’ and those that don’t frown upon fraternising between staff.
Then, even if you are working in a more liberal office, think of the potential consequences if the relationship. Like a lot of rebound relationships do, ends badly.
Anyone who has ever spent time in a professional environment around a couple who has split knows the awkwardness that follows all too well.
Now we have a population with more single people aged in their 40s and early 50s than anytime in our history, which brings with it the other significant issue, loneliness.
Too often people do not fight hard enough to repair what they have and are treating their relationships like they treat many things in the modern world: as a disposable commodity.
They elect to leave their relationship too soon, unwilling to fight hard enough to work on what they have and to make changes that can rekindle the love that can be rediscovered through becoming curious in each other again, to try new things together, to become more open, vulnerable and simply be there for each other.
MORE FROM MELISSA FERRARI: Age gaps: how much is too much?
Yes, there are times when you a relationship must end, particularly if there is even a hint of violence or has been issues with repeated infidelity.
But if it’s boredom that’s driving your decision make sure that you have put in some real effort to resolve the issues and get outside help from a counsellor if you need it.
Whatever you do, make certain you’re sure of your decision before you begin your many contributions to your lawyer’s property portfolio.