I can’t stomach the new lamb ad. It’s just so... nice

The luvvies will call the new lamb ad wonderful. A triumph for diversity. But the ad is, at best, brilliantly average and, at worst, insulting.

Talk about disappointing.

A week or two before every Australia Day each year I get all excited. It’s not the tennis or the cricket that do it. It’s the sound of Sam.

For a number of years now, Lambassador and national living treasure Sam Kekovich has brought us the Australia Day Lamb Ad. Last year’s offering set a new high water mark for advertising — funny, irreverent, clever.

But because it was 2016 — year of the crybaby — it also upset a few people. Vegans in particular. If you haven’t seen it, take two minutes and have a watch.

The delicate flowers that lack a sense of humour, irony or self awareness bestowed upon the ad, which had no bad language, sex or violence, the title of second most complained about piece of advertising in 2016. (It missed out on topping the charts by less than 40 dummy spits).

With such a wonderful effort and a brilliantly executed concept 2016 was always going to be hard to top. This year, they’ve fallen short.

I desperately wanted to love this ad. I truly did. It has great production values, a diverse cast, it even borders on entertaining. But I just can’t bring myself to like it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m smart enough to know I SHOULD like it, and I know WHY I should like it. It’s inclusive. It’s warm and fuzzy. Its multicultural. It doesn’t alienate anyone — not even the vegans. And as someone who worked in advertising for a while, I can hear that script and watch the cinematography and editing and think “nice!”

But that’s just it. It’s so... nice.

It’s got just the right amount of diversity. It ticks all the right minority boxes. It’s just so gosh darned earnest and is trying so gosh darned hard that it ends up being mostly... nice.

And PC nice is not nice at all. It’s taken what should be an irreverent laugh at ourselves and over politicised it; a sure way to suck the fun out of anything.

Perhaps the creators got cold feet after 2016. I know a wildly popular campaign that generates a squillion tonnes of media coverage would certainly make me think twice about repeating it. Who needs the hassle that success brings, right?

Maybe we don’t need humour anymore.

The luvvies will call it wonderful. A triumph for diversity, finally defining who we really are as a nation. And all without endangering the delicate feelings of anyone at all. But the fact is this year’s Lamb ad is, at best, brilliantly average and, at worst, a bit insulting for a number of reasons. And since everyone’s gotten all serious about this ad, I will too.

Firstly, where the bloody hell is Sam Kekovich? Oh, that’s him — at 1:30. Blink and you’ll miss him — the ticked off looking Serbian lumped in with the Italians and Greeks. All the larrikinism and proper cheekiness of lamb ads past now a distant memory, replaced by a checklist straight from your local department of diversity and equality.

The great Sam, Lambassador extraordinaire, relegated to one piddly second of silent screen time as a bit part in the ad series that would’ve been nothing without him.

It’s actually worse than not including him at all. It’s tokenism.

I can only assume that a conversation along these lines went down at an advertising agency somewhere in Sydney:

“Hey Tarquin, isn’t Sam contracted to be in the Lamb ads until the end of time?”

“Dammit, Hayden... you’re right. Kekovich — sounds European. Just tack it onto the end of the bit about the wogs, it’ll be fine. If he’s not there the bogans will riot. Now where’s the kombucha?”

Blink and you’ll miss him. (Pic: Supplied)

Secondly, and most grating, it’s the numerous little digs reinforcing that, no matter who you are or how long you’ve been here, somehow you don’t really belong.

It’s the reverse effect of the unity they’re supposedly trying to promote.

“Hang on, aren’t we all boat people?” I know what Poh Ling Yeow’s saying — this is a colonised country, a nation settle by people who arrived by boat. It’s a cute little saying sometimes trotted out by people seeking to obfuscate the complexity of issues like border control.

Thing is, I’m not a boat person, and I loathe the term. Sure, my ancestors arrived on boats, settling as migrants. But my great grandparents are buried here, my grandparents ashes scattered here. I was born here. I have no other country, no other home. This is my origin, my country. As much as anyone else’s.

“You’re welcome.” Really? I need to be welcomed to my own country? I understand there’s a modern ceremonial fascination with “Welcome to country” but it’s already my country, as it is your country. It’s OUR country. Do I need what sounds like a welcome but feels an awful lot like permission to be here?

It’s called Australia Day — why can’t we call it that? (Pic: Supplied)

“Hey guys, what’s the occasion?” “Do we need one?”

The occasion is Australia Day.

If it’s traumatic for you then that is a shame and I hope you can find closure somehow. I recommend you read the first few pages of Nyunggai Warren Mundine’s speech from The Australian Unity Australia Day Breakfast in 2014.

If you choose to call it “Invasion Day”, as has become fashionable among those allergic to any act of patriotism whatsoever, that’s your prerogative.

But don’t expect the vast majority of Australians who didn’t invade anything, are equally horrified by some of the darker parts of our history, and who are just happy and grateful to live in such a weird and wonderful and free land to share your sentiments.

That’s probably what grinds my gears most about this ad. They can’t even bring themselves to utter those two horrific words — Australia Day.

In one sense they’re right — we don’t need an occasion to get together and have some lamb. It’s delicious all year round. But in this case, the Meat and Livestock Association who pay for these ads have long hitched their wagon to Australia Day, so they could at least have the stones to own it.

Say it with me, MLA: “AUSTRALIA DAY!”

As delicious as lamb might be, and as clever as this ad may think it is, join me in getting some pork on your fork this Australia Day.