Hair today, gone tomorrow

Where, we’re left to ponder, are the big-haired heroes so loved in past generations? The men who brought true grit and courage — not to mention outrageous hairstyles — to the game we love?

1979? Carlton footballers Alex Jesaulenko (left) and Bruce Doull.

Once upon a time, men with mullets were kings.

The hairstyle famous for offering “business up the front and a party down the back” was synonymous with some of the biggest names in football.

As footy kicks off for another glorious season, it’s time to pay homage to the big men of AFL, and their even bigger hair.

These are the mighty mane men who refused to be reigned in by fashion, tradition and anything resembling good taste.

Who could forget Kevin Bartlett and his extreme comb-over, which would wave in the breeze when he was streaming into the goal square?

And what about the “Flying Doormat” Bruce Doull, who was bald on top and had long matted locks restrained by a striped headband?

Of course, no one wore a mullet more proudly than Warwick Capper, whose fake blonde do featured spiky fireworks at the front and a generous cascade down his back.

But nothing could touch the “Day of the Mullet”, the historic 1989 VFL grand final. It was a fierce clash featuring two of the game’s greatest Lords of the Locks: Dermott Brereton and Gary Ablett Snr.

Back then, Dermot’s long peroxide tresses waved down his back, giving him the title the “Perminator”.

Gary Senior’s do was a little more rough and ready, making up for the lack of hair on top with extra length at the back. This, my friends, is the genius of the mullet.

Clearly, such men were above concerns of taste, style or prevailing fashions. Over the years we’ve marvelled at their sheer audacity: how do they do it? Why

do they do it? Why don’t they buy a mirror?

These men reflect another era of the game, where men were men, rules got in the way and stouches were common both on and off the field. Back then, wins were celebrated with a slab or two down in the rooms — sometimes kicking off at three quarter time.

These days, football has been overtaken by namby pamby nanny state sanctions stopping men from bashing each other up, bleeding on each other and sledging umpires.

Nowadays, it’s hard to imagine a man with a top-knot having the courage to kick eight goals in a grand final after drinking half a carton of VB at three-quarter time.

Where, we’re left to ponder, are the big-haired heroes so loved in past generations? The men who brought true grit and courage — not to mention outrageous hairstyles — to the game we love?

These were men who believed the way they played was the only brand that mattered. They put passion before profit.

Now, I am sad to say only Richmond’s Ivan Maric is keeping the mullet dream alive with his luxurious locks.

Maric is the man committed to bringing the mullet back — ignoring everyone else telling him to leave it where it is.

So I say, come on guys get hairy. Bring back the hairdos that time — and style — forgot. The game will be all the better for it.

Indeed, the league of bald headed men proliferating in football today should be ashamed of themselves. Yes, Gary Ablett Jnr, Chris Judd and Paul Chapman, I’m talking about you. Where is your commitment to the comb-over? The head band in team colours? The mullet? Bros with ‘fros?

Think Spida Everitt in the early days, Johnny Platten, who had more hair than a yeti, Tony Lockehe hair tt and Peter Daicos. Think Vin Catoggio and his afro, Gary Ayres and his bouffant and Wayne “Mullet King” Carey.

Hawthorn’s Matthew Spangher is heading the right direction with his luscious locks, as is Matt Priddis’ wet white man’s afro and Dyson Heppell’s untamed rockstar mane.

Clearly, they’ve been inspired by AFL boss Gill McLaghlan, who says his lack of extreme tresses held him back from being a top player.

“It was the hair. All the true legends, no matter their field, had absolutely killer hair,” he said recently.

“I had average to poor hair. No wonder no club would touch me!”

He’s right.

The hipster top-knot, the short-back and sides and the number one all over won’t ever cut it. Giving it your everything starts with the hair. The rest simply follows.