Do we give up on marriage too easily?

FROM Married at First Sight to Barnaby Joyce, commitment is having a rough trot, writes Ann Wason Moore. What happened to sticking it out and making it work?

FROM BarnaBaby to Married at First Sight, commitment is copping it.

No matter where you sit on the political, cultural or sexual spectrum, wedded bliss is becoming the butt of all jokes.

Not that this is necessarily a new phenomenon.

Even Adam and Eve’s honeymoon ended with a domestic that saw them turfed out of their paradisiacal premises.

Things have hardly improved since then.

Instead of the Garden of Eden, today’s newlyweds are lodging in a fully mortgaged half-million dollar two-bed unit with views of traffic. Although at least in our country you’re guaranteed a legit snake somewhere in the backyard.

So yes, some things are tougher than the old days. But most things stay the same.

What has changed the most, however, is — dare I say it — the sanctity of marriage.

Let me be clear: this has absolutely zero, nothing, zilch to do with same sex marriage.

If anything, that campaign highlighted how much we heteros have forgotten just what that ‘piece of paper’ means.

It means the world. And it means that the world — your world — has changed. Permanently.

Barnaby Joyce with his wife Natalie at Parliament House in Canberra. He has since left her for his pregnant former staffer.

Not just for now. You know, while it’s good… before you get kicked out of the garden.

We no longer just make jokes about marriage; we treat marriage as a joke.

It’s now the hook of a reality show — a plot device to draw viewers.

Not that anyone is really looking to MAFS for guidance, let alone a legit life partner — and God help them if they are.

But it’s sad that this show exposes just how lightly we treat any kind of commitment these days.

No, MAFS is not a real marriage … but seriously guys, you can’t even commit to your 15 minutes of fame?

While I doubt real love awaits any contestant, a real relationship, a real friendship could … if they just stuck with it, and each other.

Aptly, the old joke about wedded life goes: What’s the secret to a long marriage? Don’t get divorced.

It’s funny because it’s true.

I’ve just returned from a visit with my dear aunt and uncle who were, in a way, the MAFS of the 1960s.

Married at First Sight makes a mockery of marriage. Davina couldn’t even stay faithful to her fake husband.

They met — a nurse and a doctor — on a cross-Channel ferry from England to France. They liked what they saw and arranged to meet in Vienna.

They committed to that promise. Remember, no mobiles in 1967.

They met three more times in London — a dinner, a pub with friends and the ballet. He asked her to marry him. She said yes.

She sailed home to Australia. Six months later he joined her. They had been together physically (but not Biblically) for a total of 15 days. He met her parents and they married three weeks later.

Three children, 29 homes, four countries and 50 years later, they are still married.

While my cousins disgustedly admit to still catching their odd snog in the kitchen, I can guarantee it has not been five decades of smooth sailing. There’s been sickness and health, richer and poorer.

But they stuck with it. Because that’s what you do. Or that’s what you did.

Of course there’s a point where enough is enough. Never stick with someone who hurts you physically, verbally or mentally.

Also, don’t stick with someone who makes you deeply unhappy — or whom you make deeply unhappy. But in this instance, first see if you can try to make each other happy again.

It’s worth the effort.

Studies show that divorce is contagious. If your friends start splitting up, it can actually spread to you. Similarly, divorce can be hereditary.

My grandparents were married until death did them part after 50 years; my parents made it to 30 before my father died far too soon. All of us children from these long marriages remain married to our first — and only — partners.

My husband’s parents made it to 51 years — and there are no divorces among the five children they raised.

Our marriage was blessed not by God but by our earthly teachers — our parents.

I know society agreed to drop the anti-divorce ‘do it for the children’ argument. But, sometimes, you do need to do it for their sake.

You made a promise. And that is not a joke.

Originally published as Do we give up on marriage too easily?