Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s been criminalised

THE rise of feminism, with its disdain for chivalry and modesty, has paradoxically lead us to a world of joyless hook ups and predatory pigs, writes Miranda Devine.

WHOLE poems used to be written in praise of women’s beauty. But feminism cured all that.

Woe betide any man today who dares compliment a women for her physical characteristics. Best he render himself deaf, dumb and blind to the attractions of the opposite sex, than be labelled a sexual harasser.

Chivalry is not dead. It’s been criminalised.

We see the consequences now, as woman after woman recounts her suffering at the hands of predatory pigs like Harvey Weinstein. But rather than demonising all men, or retreating to a new prudery, we need to understand the role that feminism has played in empowering the Weinsteins of our pornified world.

By destroying social norms of chivalry and modesty, which were set up to protect women, it has given licence to outlier men to take what they want from what they have been assured is a no-strings-attached sexual smorgasbord.

In the name of equality, modern feminism perversely favours the male libido. It leads men astray by denying the biological truth that most women are hardwired to prefer commitment with sex, and that most men are hardwired to protect the weaker sex.

It has replaced dating with a joyless hook-up culture of swiping, sexting and perfunctory connection, which removes any onus on men to engage in respectful courtship rituals.

Take the example of a recent Friday night out in Sydney, as described to me by a group of single young female work colleagues, all aged in their 20s.

The flesh and blood women sat at one table and nearby was a group of handsome flesh and blood males about their age.

Singles are just as likely to sit in a bar swiping on Tinder than speaking to the real people beside them. (Pic: Ric Frearson)

Both tables studiously ignored each other all night while periodically swiping away on their phones on dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble.

The older women in the group could see the absurdity of the situation but felt powerless to do anything about it. And when one of the men, an Irish backpacker, mustered the courage tentatively to approach their table, the old-fashioned way, the youngest woman in the group rudely rebuffed him, as if he were a sexual harasser.

The older women, who welcomed his advances more than he knew, tried to tell him he was welcome to join them, but the damage was done. He soon retreated to lick his wounds and serve as a warning to his friends.

Such is the paradox of an age of sexual freedom, in which men have been forced to turn their backs on notions of chivalry, which feminist icon Germaine Greer derides as “misogyny”.

Sex and human connection have been decoupled, and both sexes seem a little lost.

But along comes an antidote, in the form of a humorous handbook entitled, “A Young Man’s Guide to Getting Some”.

Despite the title, this is not a manual for aspiring Weinsteins, but its refreshing opposite.

“How to win the girl of your dreams — with respect and class — in the age of sexting and swiping” is the subtitle.

Author Mal Chenu, a bit of a dreamboat himself, is a happily married father of a boy and a girl. He has written the lighthearted book with a serious intent — to bring back chivalry.

What’s the secret to “getting some”? In part, he writes: “It’s about being honest and honourable.”

In a world where chivalry and modesty is considered outmoded, predators like Harvey Weinstein are free to roam. (Pic: John Carucci/AP)

He acknowledges dating websites and hook-up apps can be useful. “But sooner or later you have to stop swiping in the virtual world and start living in the real one”.

Tinder he describes as a “sausage fest for the unfaithful”.

“Serial swipers are emotionally shallow. Smart women can spot this... Intimacy is more than a ‘like’.”

“... If you sleep together after an online hook-up, call her the next day, You may have met on the internet but she is a person, not an e-conquest.”

The book is full of common sense advice, life-coaching man to man, and boldly countercultural.

Sexting is a no-no, for instance. “Classy guys don’t sext. Flirty is fine but only a***holes put the hard word on, personally or electronically.”

Blessedly, he advises men: “NEVER send dick pics. Even if asked. You don’t demonstrate you are a real man by proving you have a penis. If you want to be a real man take her out.”

He also advises against asking women for nude pictures. “If you receive one it is for your eyes only. If you share it with the hashtag #I’mHittingThat you are the ultimate scumbag and will never be trusted again”.

There’s advice about how to dress stylishly but “don’t be fanatical about your appearance. She is the beautiful one. Not you.”

Importantly, he also tackles one of the most destructive forces of our time: instantly accessible pornography on an industrial scale.

The fact two Cabinet ministers recently were caught out “liking” hard core twitter porn (amid farcical claims they’d been “hacked”), suggests that pornography is ubiquitous, even at the highest levels of our society, with all its dehumanising, addictive, intimacy-killing impacts.

“Watching a lot of porn is destructive to the soul,” writes Chenu. “At its core, pornography is abuse. Especially hard core. Women’s sexuality does not exist for the gratification of men, not many little girls dream of being a porn-star when they grow up.”

Amen. Respect breeds respect. This little book could change the world, one budding Weinstein at a time.