Boob tattoos are a sure-fire way to make a tit of yourself
GETTING breasts inked might look cool in your twenties, but won’t hold up well — even your bum would be a better choice, writes Kerry Parnell. Best to nip that idea in the bud.
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WANT to make a tit of yourself?
Get your boobs tattooed.
There can be no better example of the folly of youth than believing inking your breasts a splendid idea. Sure, you look cool in your twenties, but believe me, that is one part of the body that isn’t going to hold up well. Your arms, fine, your legs, lovely, even your bum would be a better choice. But your boobs? I’d nip that idea in the bud.
Because — although it may seem incredible to believe when you are a nubile young thing — that is the very first area that starts to go south as you age.
Then your cute little tatt saying “fragile thing” with a picture of a fairy on a moon, a la Lily Collins, will read less like a fairy tale and more like a horror story as your skin’s elastin demonstrates what fragile means and the word little becomes very large indeed.
Side-boob tattoos are all the rage, with everyone from Lady Amelia Windsor to Rihanna flashing their inked cleavage. Lady Amelia wore a Chanel mini dress on Tuesday night at the Serpentine Gallery ball in London, cut low at the sides to show off her leaf-shaped tattoo under her braless boobs.
The 22-year-old certainly rocked the look and while I’m all for anyone getting any tattoo they please, I hope she’s prepared for that pretty leaf design to grow into a gnarly old tree by the time she’s 40.
She’s not alone. Miley Cyrus has several side and under-boob tattoos, including her first one — right below her bosom — that reads “Just Breathe” in her mum’s handwriting. Ruby Rose has a crown between her boobs, Rihanna has side-boob designs and a goddess tattoo under her chest, Ariana Grande has “Bellissima” beside her boob and Cara Delevingne has “Don’t Worry Be Happy” written under hers.
It’s all very clever and cool and much like jewelled G-strings and vajazzling (remember that?), it’s a trend. One that will fade: A bit like a tattoo.
And even if you can live with your meaningful millennial mantra branded on your breast for the rest of your life, the one thing you may not have considered is that your bosom might betray you. It’s a lucky lady whose skin will not crinkle and weaken as she ages, whose pair that once pointed outwards, or even upwards, will not droop and deflate, particularly after having babies.
And yes, I know celebrities make their living out of looking good, so are going to have every treatment available, do all the exercise in the world and live on spinach smoothies, but even they can’t stop time.
Your boobs are the first place you put on weight as a woman — and when you have a baby they get a postcode in their own right. Sure, you lose the weight and your tattoo will shrink back into shape, but it’s rather like the pages of a novel you dropped in the bath and dried on the radiator: It’s still legible, just crinkled and ten times bigger than before.
Still, on the positive side, if you go off your under-boob tattoo when you get older, you won’t need to get a cover-up job, because you’ll never find it again.