Another day, another rule for feminism, delivered by a bloke

THERE’S no list of things women can and can’t do while still being feminists, and that most certainly includes watching The Bachelor, writes Wendy Tuohy.

Don’t hand in your feminist card, you can watch this guy and retain your membership. (Pic: Richard Dobson)

ANOTHER day, another dude pops up to mansplain to women how to woman.

They’re kind, really, to be so ready to tell us how to mother (all those books on raising girls into successful women… by men), how to breastfeed (discreetly, thanks Kochie), how to not make ourselves victims of sexual assault (don’t go in parks at night according to one senior policeman) and now, how to feminism.

Even if I wasn’t a fan of The Bachelor before, I’m tempted to sign on now some guy has stepped up to inform females that we have to hand our “sisterhood” card in if we catch so much as a glimpse.

Today we have been dictated down to by a bloke who says no woman watching The Bachelor can call herself a feminist.

He has written The Rules and they state Women Who Watch The Bachelor Make Modern Feminism Very Hard to Take Seriously. Because he said so.

Though I suspect the author is not that much of a feminist himself, given he describes the women contestants, one of whom is a 31 year-old cop and another a 27 year-old criminal lawyer, as “girls” and highlights how “desperately — and I mean DESPERATELY” they crave affection.

Just to lady-splain something you no doubt already know, “desperate” is an oldie-but-baddie sexist put-down meaning a woman gagging for a man to the point where she’s ridicule-worthy. I’m guessing if you put it in caps it’s meant to be doubly shaming.

Like generations of men before him, the guy smacking down “feminists” for turning the TV on feels he is entitled to dictate to women what they should and shouldn’t do in order to preserve their right to “dignity”.

Don’t go on reality TV, “girls”, even if you know exactly what you’re getting into, even if you’re savvy enough to handle the experience, the spotlight and the fallout, even if you’re quite fine with looking competitive and a bit scheming. That’s not pretty, and Lord knows if you want to be considered worthy of respect — or a man — you need to be.

How ironic an article claiming to shore up respect for women calls the 22 contestants “bitchy”, “preening”, “downright broken”, baggage-laden, “insecure” and “clamouring”. If you had to do a blindfold test to guess which sex those words were being employed to describe, what are the chances you’d come up with “guys”?

To address his central theme that feminism is being set back 50 years by The Bachelor and women who watch it are damaging the brand, I would answer: we’ll be the judge of that.

This show is a well-worn formula some women choose to use as a vehicle to meet their own agenda. Maybe in season one ‘contestants’ had no idea what they were getting into, and sometimes they did feel set up or even exploited.

Five seasons down the track it’s a completely different game. People who go on these shows absolutely know what they are getting into, yet make *their own* choice to do it anyway.

I am not making a feminist defence of this show; no woman is beholden to the man who tells feminists what it means if they look at it to defend either the show or their personal politics.

But feminism is about choice. Wearing what you like is about choice. Going on a dumb TV dating show is, surprise, about choice. And judging women for their actions — either for going on the ridiculous show or watching it — is not very feminist at all.

And besides, this show has become sheer performance, not reality. Absolutely everyone knows that — if they’re not too much of a snob to check it out.

Wendy Tuohy is a Herald Sun columnist.

@wtuohy

Originally published as Another day, another rule for feminism, delivered by a bloke