10 reasons why I will ignore White Ribbon day

Enough is enough. Women are not fodder for men’s evolution, so they can become their higher selves, as the White Ribbon organisation would have us believe.

While many people have good intentions when taking part in White Ribbon day, anti-violence advocate Nina Funnell says their support would be best served elsewhere. (Pic: News Corp)

These days, caring about domestic violence has become very fashionable.

From Facebook posts and wristbands, to fawning over Emma Watson’s UN speech, publicly caring about “violence against women” has become de rigour.

This is never more so than on White Ribbon day.

Which is why each White Ribbon day politicians don tokenistic lapel pins and attend “awareness raising” breakfasts where they listen earnestly to statistics about murdered women (while quietly praying that no-one mentions the recent funding cuts they’ve made to domestic violence shelters across the country).

Disgraced footballers will pose for photo ops, pledging to be good boys, while player-managers wonder how they ever coped before the White Ribbon damage-control industry came along.

Of course not all White Ribbon ambassadors are so shallow, cynical or transparent. And White Ribbon undoubtedly performs some good work in schools.

But the question remains: what, exactly, is all this “awareness raising” really achieving? And are these token-gestures becoming a cheap substitute for real action?

More to the point, why does White Ribbon continually heap praise on men who pay mere lip-service to the issue? And if certain politicians and celebrities are using the ribbon to pulls focus from their own lack of action, contrition or reform, is it doing more harm than good?

Don’t get me wrong. As an anti-violence advocate, I’m all for people opening their hearts, minds and, yes, wallets on this issue. But as I’ve written before, I and many survivors I know wouldn’t give a single cent to White Ribbon. (I give directly to frontline services instead).

Here are 10 reasons why:

1. The “awareness ribbon” industry is vacuous, overcrowded and promotes vanity

In her book Ribbon Culture, academic Sarah Moore describes the proliferation of “awareness raising ribbons” and the culture of conspicuous caring and “slacktivism” that often sits alongside it.

As Moore writes, “it is a symbol that represents awareness, yet requires no knowledge of the cause; it appears to signal concern for others, but in fact prioritises self-expression”. In other words, there is a sort of egotistical posturing that often goes hand-in-hand with ribbon wearing.

It’s also incredibly superficial. While conducting research with ribbon wearers, Moore had to remind some of her interviewees what causes their ribbons represented.

Brand awareness has led to more people recognising the white ribbon as a symbol of domestic violence prevention. (Pic: Cameron Board, SkyMedia Productions)

The white ribbon has been used to represent blindness, hernia, bone cancer, congenital cataracts, gay teen suicide, right to life, multiple hereditary exostoses, post-partum depression, victims of terrorism, osteoporosis, scoliosis, eye-cancer, invisible illness and more.

And while White Ribbon has done a fairly good job of branding itself so as to stand out from the pack, the effort that goes into that marketing could be put to better use elsewhere.

Right now, for example, women are being turned away from crisis shelters because there are simply no spare beds. And last year alone, more than 18,000 calls to 1800 RESPECT went unanswered because counsellors were already on another line.

Perhaps money raised by White Ribbon would be better served being paid directly to those crucial frontline services.

2. White Ribbon sells absolution that is not theirs to give

Earlier this year, I wrote about the predictable media script that unfolds each time a celebrity commits or excuses violence against women: “Perhaps a high profile athlete has glassed his girlfriend or a media personality has sexually harassed a woman live on air. Quicker than you can say ‘opportunism’, the White Ribbon collection plate will be whipped out. But the question to ask is this: how much of that ‘sorry’ money is ever passed on to the support services that are assisting the victims in question?”

Indeed, none of that money is ever passed on to either the victims in question or the services that are expected to support the victims.

Worse still, donations to White Ribbon have at times been at the expense of funding for crucial frontline services that do more to assist victims and survivors

In 2013, for example, donation money that the public had asked be given to a rape crisis centre was inexplicably diverted to White Ribbon.

At the time, the lingerie company Kayser had published a somewhat distasteful tweet that created a minor stir in the Twittersphere. Before long, members of the public started a campaign urging Kayser to apologise and make a small donation to the NSW Rape Crisis Centre as tribute.

Kayser agreed and the rape crisis centre (which provides free, quality counselling to sexual assault survivors) stated that they were extremely grateful to accept any donation.

But at the eleventh hour, Kayser suddenly changed course, announcing that they had given the money to White Ribbon instead. The Rape Crisis Centre went home empty-handed.

Needless to say, it is highly disappointing to think that money that would have helped rape survivors recover, instead went to an organisation that spends a significant chunk of its energy raising awareness about its own awareness raising activities.

3. The White Ribbon “redemption industry” allows fallen celebrities (and others) to refurbish their public brand without genuine rehabilitation, contrition or reform

In recent years, White Ribbon has been accused of creating a “White Wash Market” where, for a small sum of money, disgraced celebrities can establish the appearance of remorse while being excused from having to make any other genuine effort at reform.

These public donation moments serve both sides: White Ribbon gets increased exposure as the celebrity charity of choice, while the celebrity is able to fast-track their journey to public forgiveness and redemption. It’s penance at a price, salvation for a sum.

And it’s not just limited to celebrities.

Take, for example, the notorious St Pauls College at Sydney University. In 2009, the little lords at St Pauls were exposed for having made a “Pro-rape, anti-consent” Facebook group. Along with sexist graffiti in their bar (“she can’t say no with a c**k in her mouth”... “every hole is a goal”) and multiple prior allegations of sexual misconduct, St Pauls College was advised by various experts that they should undertake specific education and training as part of a cultural intervention program.

A fundraising dinner for White Ribbon was held after St Pauls College was exposed for having members who made a “pro-rape, anti-consent” Facebook page. (Pic: News Corp Australia)

Unfortunately, education and training is a) costly, b) time consuming, and c) likely to get up the noses of entitled young men who would rather be chasing tail and getting wasted at their own on-site bar.

So instead, St Pauls went for the much cheaper, easier option: they threw a White Ribbon fundraising dinner — a move which gave all the appearance of concern for the issue, without any real or long-term work required.

4. White Ribbon treats men like white knights and women like white noise

At its heart, White Ribbon is founded on the belief that men do not listen to women, and therefore men require other men to mansplain to them why violence against women is not OK.

Unfortunately, because of this rather problematic premise, a particular gendering of roles has also followed, where men have been cast as white knights and saviours, and women as distressed damsels who require blokes to speak on our behalf (while being expected to be eternally grateful for this).

Now while no one in the violence against women sector denies that men ought to get involved (and that there is a space in the movement for this), a number of White Ribbon ambassadors seem to be painfully unaware that by charging in and offering to take over they are at risk of reproducing the very gender roles and arrangements of power which can give rise to conditions in which violence against women is more likely to occur in the first place.

5. White Ribbon panders to men’s egos (and expects women to do the same)

In recent years White Ribbon has morphed into a vehicle for coddling men’s emotions by constantly reassuring them that they’re not the problem, that they are really good guys.

But men who think that they deserve a cookie and a pat on the back just for turning up are part of the problem.

Why?

Because men who do not hit women do not deserve a medal as though they have done us a massive favour. It’s not an achievement to not assault people.

6. White Ribbon uses female labour, while allowing men to collect credit and glory

Next White Ribbon event, have a look at who is on stage. Chances are it will be men basking in the limelight. But behind the scenes it’s women who do most of the (unpaid, volunteer) work. As Clementine Ford writes in Fight Like A Girl: “White Ribbon is supposed to be an organisation where men speak to other men about violence prevention, but it’s women who send out the invitations, plan the food, type up the name tags, wait at the door to greet arriving guests and then sit and listen as corporate suits are applauded for being Good Guys.”

In fact, the movement might describe itself as being “male-led” (ironic, given that the CEO is a woman) but in 2014, only a third of White Ribbon community events were organised by men.

7. White Ribbon has prioritised violent men’s healing over women’s safety

It’s not just corporate men who collect the glory and accolades. Perpetrators do too. At a White Ribbon event this time last year, I watched on in horror as a young man spoke about how he had abused women both physically and sexually for more than 20 years. (There had been no caution or forewarning on any of the promotional material for the event).

“Probably the most confronting thing I’ve done in my life was sit in a room and consider the feelings of [others],” he sniffled.

Standing next to me was an elderly woman holding a framed photo of her dead daughter. She was shaking like a leaf.

The speaker, who made no mention of ever serving jail time or repaying his debt to society, then admitted that he still had “a massive amount of work to do on myself” adding that it was challenging to be learning about “having empathy for other people’s feelings [and learning] that my partner has the right to express her opinions, to not always agree with me and not always do what I want”.

When he finished, the crowd — including the police — applauded.

Apparently that’s what a 20-year career criminal who has admitted to a 20-year crime spree deserves. (One wonders if the police would have clapped if it was a bikie admitting to 20 years of assaulting police officers... But I guess women are just collateral damage — bit-players in other people’s lives).

Enough is enough. We are not fodder for men’s evolution, so they can become their higher selves. And men who abuse us do not deserve rounds of applause for having the courage to “consider our feelings”.

8. White Ribbon welcomes men with violent pasts and excuses ambassadors who break their oath

According to the White Ribbon ambassador position description, men who “have a history of using violence” can be “very powerful, positive role models and Ambassadors” and if a current ambassador assaults a woman, “the ambassador in question will be temporarily suspended from the program” but can be reinstated provided they are “making genuine efforts to reform and make a contribution to violence prevention”.

Charming.

When previously challenged on this point, a representative has stated that they did not want to kick out fallen Ambassadors as this may “scare off” other men (and their donations, no doubt).

Where does all the money from White Ribbon fundraisers go? (Pic: News Corp)

9. White Ribbon trades off the work of feminists but then distance themselves from the feminist movement to hang with corporate dude-bros

Remember that kid in primary school who was all too happy to copy the nerd’s homework, only to turn around at lunch time and pretend not to know him? Or that spineless teen girl who would hang out with her uncool friend in private, but then refuse to acknowledge her existence in front of popular kids at parties?

Welcome to the world of White Ribbon.

Since its inception White Ribbon has happily leant on the work done by decades of women’s organisations and in private it still attempts to foster positive relationships with feminist organisations.

But in public it’s a different story. As Clementine Ford writes the White Ribbon Foundation has done this “in order to align itself with a more corporate, mainstream agenda that ignores the hard work done by underfunded women’s health services across the country”.

Look White Ribbon, I get it. You’re trying to impress your corporate dude-bros. All that corporate slick and polish is important to you and feminist organisations don’t really meld with that image you’re going for.

But just don’t expect us damsels to passively sit by and cop this crap.

10. Brand recognition doesn’t save lives

At a White Ribbon breakfast for politicians this week, White Ribbon ambassador and former NSW director of public prosecutions Nicholas Cowdery kicked things off by saying: “Seventy per cent of Australians are aware of White Ribbon. That’s good brand recognition, as they say.”

“Brand awareness” is also the first metric for measuring success that is noted in their latest annual report.

Hardly surprising, really, given that the board is stacked with folks who have expertise in marketing, branding and sales (but not one board member bio in the last annual report mentioned expertise in violence against women).

But brand recognition doesn’t save lives. And next time a woman turns up to a shelter and is told to sleep in her car because there are no spare beds, I guess she’ll just have to take comfort in the fact that at least there is a 70 per cent chance that her abuser recognises the White Ribbon logo.

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So this November 25 (which is also the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women) I’ll be giving my money directly to my local women’s shelter, along with the Full Stop Foundation (which supports frontline counselling services).

Nina Funnell is a freelance writer who puts her money where her mouth is. She has donated to the NSW Rape Crisis Centre and the Full Stop Foundation and has previously been a volunteer board member for those and other frontline services. This article is written in her personal capacity and does not represent the views of organisations she is, or has previously been affiliated with.