Mosman Daily advice columnist Val Edwards solves a dinner dilemma

A READER loves meeting up with her friends for regular dinners but hates having to contribute to an evenly split bill when she doesn’t drink and only eats an entree. What should she do?

Shared meals can be great fun — until it comes time to pay the bill.

Dear Val,

Every month or so, a group of friends meets for a meal at a local restaurant. We each take turns in choosing the venue and we always end up having a fun catch up. There is only one problem. At the end of the night when it comes to tallying up the bill, I feel that I am being financially disadvantaged. I don’t drink alcohol and, generally, I’ll only have an entree-sized meal. But one of our group has taken upon himself to work out the bill each time by simply dividing the total by the number of attendees, which means I’m paying for wine, beer, main meals and desserts that I haven’t enjoyed. How do I make this right without sounding churlish?

Rumbling Tummy, Cammeray

Advice columnist Val Edwards.

Dear Rumbling Tummy,

It’s the big picture here! Rise above the pettiness and get over feeling financially disadvantaged.

This happens not only with your group, but I expect all over the world. It is so important to our wellbeing, to catch up with good friends once a month, you are blessed to have such a group.

Your friends will notice you never raise objections, and that is a reward in itself.

A good comparison from further afield is if your footy team plays well below par, arguably you have paid full price for a half hearted performance. It all comes down to attitude and manners.

It says as much about you as it does the bill calculator, who is an opportunist and probably makes the same mistakes in most things he does in other quarters. Thinking about this problem further, I always feel manners should be taught in the home when you are a child. Children soon sort out their friends and learn it is ‘give and take’ in our world, and not the ‘me, me, me’ generation that is often portrayed in society.

Val says our reader needs to rise above bill pettiness.

Next time it is your turn to choose a local restaurant, why don’t you make a statement and order a couple of bottles of Moet? You would soon see if that changes the way of thinking and there may soon be a consensus of user pays!

A final thought would be to patronise establishments that request you order and pay upfront at the counter, like the Boathouse at Balmoral. Look beyond the current situation, as irritating as it might appear, it brings us back to the big picture!

Val Edwards is the owner of the sydneymodelagency.com and sydneyetiquettecollege.com.au. Email your problem to [e-mail]