Advice from Married at First Sight’s love expert
Married At First Sight love expert Trisha Stratford has expressed her thoughts on the ‘extraordinary’ antics of Dean and Davina. The former hostage negotiator also offers her tips for meeting the right partner.
Manly
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THE northern beaches love doctor from TV reality hit Married at First Sight said the antics of Dean and Davina are simply reflecting real life.
Trisha Stratford, from Manly, is one of three experts who set up the couples on what has been the most explosive series of the reality program.
It has seen Manly guy Dean sneak off with another ‘wife’ (Davina) and vow to leave his girl Tracey to be with her.
But when it came to the crunch, Dean blamed Davina for turning his head, leading to a dramatic fallout still playing out on the Channel Nine show.
“We matched them for a reason and it shows that in relationships we can get tempted but we don’t necessarily act on it,” Stratford said.
“People say, ‘Why didn’t you stop it?’ but, of course, it’s part of the experiment. We don’t have anything to do with the couples until we watch the dinner party and see the commitment ceremony.
“I had a friend ring me and when she saw what was happening between Dean, Tracey and Davina, that’s what happened in her marriage.
“I think it triggers a lot of our viewers with what’s gone on — and also we’re watching an affair unfold. It’s pretty extraordinary.”
However, appearing on TV is quite a change for Stratford, who has an adult daughter and grandchild and is single.
She used to work as a hostage negotiator, with millions of dollars of ransom money in play.
She is also a former journalist who made documentaries in war-torn countries.
And if that’s not impressive enough, when she returned to her psychology roots to become a clinical neuropsychotherapist with a PhD in the science of relationships, she proved the existence of a “sixth sense” between couples.
So it is no wonder that when telly bosses approached her about appearing on the new reality show a few years ago, she was not sure she wanted to do it.
“I wasn’t initially on board,” said Stratford, who hails from New Zealand but has lived in Manly for 14 years.
But once Stratford learned more, she signed up to join the expert panel alongside John Aitken and Mel Schilling.
And it has gone on to become one of the biggest shows on Aussie TV.
Stratford, said it was actually the process of matching the couples that she most enjoyed.
She even gets participants to sleep in the same T-shirt for a week to test compatibility of their pheromones.
“They get so much testing. But, you know, the three things that are really important to people are distance, height and smoking,” she said. “Nobody likes smoking. Women want men taller and men want women shorter.”
So why, despite the gruelling tests, have only two couples stayed together from previous seasons?
“I think it’s the pressure,” she said.
“Most of the couples we match really well but it then becomes a challenge, like any relationship. But then they’ve got the added dimension of the group dynamic and the pressure they’re under.
“I don’t define the show as a success or not if people don’t stay together.
“Success for me is they learn about themselves and they grow as a person and a couple.
“I think it’s started a conversation about relationships and that’s a good thing.”
And while the show is a tough job, with filming often running until the early hours of the morning, it’s a far cry from Stratford’s previous careers.
While working as a journalist on more than 20 TV documentaries and two books, she saw some harrowing situations.
“I ended up going to do a story in Somalia and I had firing going on,” she said.
“I was the only journalist in there for 18 months and I lived in a container at the port. I was also in Bosnia.
“I did conflict resolution and mediation training. We’re talking multimillion-dollar ransoms.
“I then did a bit of work for the UN and decided I wanted to come back to study the brain.”
These days, while she has her own practice in Surry Hills, working with singles and couples, Stratford said she was often recognised from her role on television.
Trisha Stratford’s Dating Tips
“It’s about expectations. In the age of Facebook, Instagram, the Kardashians, life’s not like that. I think online, Tinder, swiping right, swiping left, it leads into these expectations to look for Mr or Mrs Perfect — and nobody is perfect.”
“Keep trying and don’t give up. Have a sense of humour and a sense of perspective.”
“We tend to choose the eye colour and hair colour of the opposite sex parent. Of course there are expectations, but that’s according to research.”
“Make sure you have a fabulous life. People, when they meet you, don’t go, ‘You’re good looking’. They go, ‘You a have a great energy’. Be trustworthy, kind and caring.”