Google team incognito as global online search giant fails on basic question

A simple inquiry to the media team at Pyrmont HQ led DEBORAH FITZGERALD to such a frustrating call that we had to share. It’s like a comedy sketch.

FILE - In this March 23, 2010, file photo, the Google logo is seen at the Google headquarters in Brussels. Information technology stocks scored big gains in 2015. (AP Photo/Virginia Mayo, File)

What happens when you have a question for the global communications juggernaut Google and you can’t find the answer on, well, Google?

The 20 minutes of my life that followed a simple inquiry to Google, I cannot get back.

However, it did make me wonder whether the lauded futuristic workplace with meditation pods, lego tournaments, chill out zones and oceans of sparkling water had somehow delivered Google employees to a fourth dimension.

A dimension which rendered them incapable of, well, communication.

With a generic email address the only contact I could find online, I thought I would go old-school and ring the Pyrmont-based Sydney headquarters.

Images from Google headquarters in cities around the world

What follows is an edited exchange I had with a Google receptionist with apologies to Abbott and Costello, Monty Python and the writers of Yes, Minister.

Me: Can you put me through to someone in the media relations department?

Receptionist: I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to put you through to the media team.

Me: What do you mean? I’m from the media and I have an inquiry.

Receptionist: I’m sorry but I can’t put you through to anyone there, that’s what I’ve been instructed.

Me: But that’s their job - to speak to the media.

Receptionist: Can you hold please? (5 minutes go by)

Receptionist: I’m sorry I can’t put you through to anyone.

Me: Can I email someone on the team?

Receptionist: You can email me and then I can email them.

Me: I want a name so I can follow up and ensure it’s been received.

Receptionist: I’m not allowed to give you any email addresses.

Me: But that’s just weird. They are employed to handle media inquiries. Why are their email addresses a secret?

Receptionist: Can you hold please? (5 minutes go by)

Receptionist: That’s what I have been instructed - my supervisor said that’s all I can do.

Me: Well, can I speak to your supervisor?

Receptionist: No, he’s not in this building.

Me: Well, can you put me through to him?

Receptionist: No I spoke to him on Google chat.

Me: Well can I speak to him on Google chat.

Receptionist: No

Me: Can you put me through to anyone in any department at all?

Receptionist: Not unless you have their name and details.

Me: Well, then I wouldn’t need to ring reception. Can I have your name?

Receptionist: No. I’m not allowed to give that out - its policy.

Me: Then how am I supposed to email you?

Receptionist: you can email reception@google

Me: Can you take my details and tell the media team I am writing a story about how its impossible to contact anyone on the google media team?

Receptionist: Sure.