Fear of failure leads to the mother of all guilt trips

My toddler doesn’t get enough vegies. I snapped and yelled at my kids. I got them sunburnt that time. The list adds up to one inescapable feeling MUMMY guilt.

Is my child eating enough vegetables? (note to self: Google “scurvy”).

• Hitting the road with kids
• The year of the chore

Ah,  MUMMY guilt. That gnawing, usually baseless fear that you’re failing your children through bumbling and/or omission.

In these uncertain times it’s reassuring to know there are a few constants in life – and mummy guilt certainly delivers on that score.

Of course, there’s also daddy guilt, granny guilt, Auntie Beryl guilt, any carer guilt – but, being a mum myself­, mummy guilt is the one with which I am intimately acquainted.

It can strike at any time, but usually in the dead of night, creeping up like a ninja from the House of Crippling Remorse. One minute you’re dreaming blissfully of Ryan Gosling bringing you a cuppa before he gets started on the dishes, next you’re jolted awake at 3.30am in panic at not having read enough to your children when they were young.

This sort of first-world unease­ can pop in even at the first hint of parenthood, and rolls on from there.

Don’t forget the sunscreen! If your child gets sunburnt the guilt will be overwhelming. Picture: iStock.

Here’s a few choice examples for self-reproach:

How many chardonnays did I have in those few weeks before weeing on a stick?

So-And-So plays Mozart to her foetus – should I be doing that or will my baby never hold a tune?

I had a caesarean – am I a bad mother already? I feed my baby formula – am I the absolute worst?

My toddler doesn’t get enough vegies (note to self: Google “scurvy”).

I find playing make-believe­ boring (but the television loves it).

I snapped and yelled at my kids (it was the shoes, Your Honour).

I got them sunburnt that time (I hate myself).

I look at my phone too much (hang on a sec, I’m just Googling “scurvy”).

Is your child reading enough books?

School provides a whole desk drawer of small stuff one can beat oneself up about.

Kid A isn’t doing enough sport. Kid B isn’t doing any chess. Kid C doesn’t get to do anything. The Jones kids do more homework than mine.

My Easter bonnet is crap. I forgot to pack the goggles. I missed mums’ morning tea at the super convenient time of 9.30am.

My offspring spend too much time on screens than is advisable for their eyes and interpersonal skills. But if I don’t arrange coding lessons they’ll end up unemployed and penniless.

But of course the motherlode comes on the work front, where the guilt radar pings in every direction, from working too much to not enough to not at all.

Or maybe you’re feeling perfectly comfortable with your situation until just about everybody puts in their unsolicited two bob’s worth on the issue, sparking a wave of second-guessing double-bluff guilt. Could it be ... you haven’t been worrying enough?

Look, some people say regret is a wasted emotion; some say guilt shows you care. Ideally, I guess, just do your best and hope your offspring will be speaking to you.

Which reminds me, shouldn’t you be calling your parents?

Miranda Murphy is a mother of three and a journalist at The Australian.

Follow her on Twitter @murphymiranda