Ex-con’s how-to-survive jail service for prison newbies

An ex-con is offering the ultimate how-to-guide for people facing jail for the first time. And yes it covers how to survive the shower block.

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Feeble white collar crooks like the one made famous by Will Ferrell’s character in the Hollywood comedy Get Hard now have their own Darnell they can hire to prepare them for life inside.

An ex-con who was jailed in Queensland for nine years for fraud, with a non-parole period of four years, is offering his services to first time offenders facing prison for $220 an hour plus GST.

A PDF brochure emailed to a Central Coast criminal lawyer titled “Preparing your clients for Prison” reveals the types of services he can provide such as getting offenders ready for a “massive change in their life” and “how to get through time in prison”.

Need to survive prison? An ex-con is offering his services.

The brochure lists some of the goals of his service including:

▪ Help reduce the initial shock (“the deer in headlight effect”) of the initial days and months of prison and the stripping of dignity, rights, liberty and choices your client had before they go to prison;

▪ Managing life, interactions with inmates, officers and other prison staff, to avoid issues with other inmates and prison officers;

▪ The “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of life and society in prison;

▪ How to navigate prison politics (both inmate and officer);

▪ How to keep your head as sane as possible in prison so the effect of being incarcerated is minimised as much as possible when released;

▪ What to do in a crisis situation (e.g. riots, ramps, confrontations, being put on ”show”, “dog” etc.).

Prison can be a difficult place to negotiate. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

The man offering the Prepare for Prison service said he was a married father-of-three until he was convicted of unrelated fraud offences in both NSW and QLD.

He said he now wanted to help others get through prison.

“We provide these services to give your clients the information they need to help their journey through prison and to come out with their life, partner, children and family in tact” his brochure reads.

“It’s highly unlikely anyone you know has been in prison before and more often than not you may be ashamed that you are going to prison and afraid to ask for help.

“What your lawyer, counsellors and other people who do visit prisons, can’t share with you because they have never been an inmate. Living inside a prison 24/7 is very different to a person who may visit prison on a regular basis.”

The Prepare for Prison service is offered by a former inmate. Picture Sam Ruttyn

He goes on to say it can be tough for the uninitiated.

“In the early days you may be stood over, assaulted, caught in the middle of a riot, put on show, called a dog or worse,” he said.

In the 2015 comedy Get Hard Ferrell plays an ultra rich hedge-fund manager who is given a month to get his affairs in order before he is sent for a stretch in the notorious San Quentin prison.

Ferrell’s character James turns to black businessman Darnell (played by fellow comedian Kevin Hart) who has never had a parking ticket for help.