Vince Sorrenti: For some, pandemic will be the good old days

A sad day looms for our state premiers when the end of the pandemic finally dawns, says Vince Sorrenti.

Mark, Steven, Dan, Gladys and Annastacia will be drowning their sorrows in the front bar of the Federation Hotel.

Everyone’s had the jab.

Restaurants are full.

Fans are at the footy.

Aussies are on holidays.

Tourists are in hotels.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian and NSW Treasurer Dominic Perrottet lead from the front.

Manager Scott Morrison calls last drinks on the pandemic.

“But what fun we had,” says Steven Marshall, trying to lift the mood. “Remember the time we told them not to touch a Victorian football kicked into the crowd?”

A cackle breaks out among the group. “We had guys in full PPE deep cleaning the goalposts in Perth,” shouts Mark McGowan as the chuckling cranks up.

Laughing Dan Andrews interjects: “C’mon guys, surely no one can beat our hotel security guards having sex with people in quarantine!?”

Queensland premier Annastacia Palaszczuk removes her mask at press conference.

“What about my line that Queensland hospitals are for Queenslanders!” replies Annastacia.

The hilarity reaches a crescendo when Gladys Berejiklian leaps into the fray: “I’ve got two words for you all – Gold Standard!”

Andrews sprays his beer and heads are thrown back in laughter when suddenly everyone falls silent.

Staring forward they raise their glasses and shout together, “Keeping people safe!” before erupting into fits of laughter again.

A sad day looms for our state premiers as the end of pandemic dawns.

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews’ mask is a fashion statement.

Lockdowns will end, health orders will diminish, daily press conferences will no longer be required and state borders will again be just road signs.

Australians will revert to the pre-Covid norm of barely knowing the name of their own premier let alone all of them, and their CHOs, deputy premiers and treasurers.

Someone will mention Annastacia Palaszczuk and non-Queenslanders will ask: “Who? Is that a new Disney movie?”

How deflating it will be when state premiers are only in charge of their own state! You know, the people that actually voted them into office.

The Victorian Premier won’t be able to stop Sydneysiders from working in Melbourne, and the holiday plans of Australian families won’t be determined by the Premier of Queensland.

It’s going to get completely out of hand.

SA Premier Steven Marshall covers up.

Australians will be able to move around and cross state borders ­whenever they like as if they were free and living in the same democratic country!

Lotto results will return to their rightful position as the most sought-after numbers of the day.

There won’t even be daily pressers, let alone interest in what blouse or overcoat the Premier might wear.

Gladys will be reduced to making announcements about public transport and mouse plagues.

God forbid, they may even stand at the lectern alone without a signer for the hearing impaired!

Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan struggles with his mask.

Is it all over? Surely we can flog this pandemic crisis a little longer. It’s not fair.

Mark and Annastacia and Tasmania’s Peter Gutwein were lucky enough to have an election during the crisis but what about the rest?

Steven might be able to string it along until March next year.

Dan has to maintain a crisis until November 2022 and poor Gladys will have to govern without the virus until March 2023!

Anybody know someone at the Wuhan Institute of Virology?