Tim Blair: What Bill Shorten said and what he really meant

What did Bill Shorten say in his Budget Reply, and what did Shorten really mean? Tim Blair translates.

Opposition leaders have it easy. They can promise everything but are liberated from the awkward responsibility of actually doing anything.

That begins to change once an opposition draws closer to power. That’s why Labor leader Bill Shorten’s Budget reply requires a full and fearless translation.

What did Shorten say last night, and what did Shorten really mean?

Deputy Leader of the Opposition Tanya Plibersek and Leader of the Opposition Bill Shorten wave after delivering the 2019-20 Federal Budget Reply speech in the House of Representatives at Parliament House, in Canberra on Thursday night. Picture: AAP

What Bill said: Australians deserve the best.

What Bill meant: But you’re stuck with me, so let’s try to make that work.

(The Liberal Budget) looks a lot more like dodgy accounting than good economics.

If it was any dodgier, Wayne Swan would’ve put his name to it.

In Chris Bowen’s first Budget, Labor will provide a bigger tax refund than the Liberals for 3.6 million Australians.

Most of whom already pay bugger-all in tax and are net beneficiaries of our tax system. Let’s just ignore that.

This is the time when Australia should be building a strong surplus, a fiscal buffer.

What this had got to do with Labor, which last delivered a surplus when Bob Hawke was in power, is anybody’s guess.

We believe the Australian people are hungry for a united, stable government.

Did you hear that, Albo?

We believe governments have a responsibility to leave the place better than when they found it.

May I remind everybody that Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard are no longer in parliament.

Climate change is real … bushfires, droughts, floods, extreme weather and damage to our farmland and our reef.

None of these things ever happened before industrialisation.

I’ve been fortunate to visit 30 TAFEs since the last election.

And not a single one of them accepted my application.

There is one more thing we will do to make Australian schools the best in the world. We’ll make Tanya Plibersek the minister for education.

The conclusion doesn’t really match the premise. Maybe nobody hearing this will remember it.

Do we want our children to have the world’s best education?

If so, I’ll find someone else to run that department.

Let’s make the batteries here. And let’s do the same with electric vehicles and charging equipment and stations too.

I once crashed a Mitsubishi Colt into two parked cars after spilling scalding hot coffee on my groin, but you can trust me to build an entirely new automotive industry from scratch.

I believe we can make three words famous right around the world: “Made in Australia”.

Or, alternatively, “Drink iced coffee”.