Tim Blair: Cuddly Albo now a torn and tattered teddy bear

‘God smiles on new governments,’ a respected former ALP leader once mused. Two years later, that electoral god is no longer smiling on Anthony Albanese, writes Tim Blair.

‘God smiles on new governments,” former Australian Labor leader Kim Beazley once mused.

He was talking about the run of good fortune experienced by John Howard’s Coalition team following their election in 1996.

More than 25 years later, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s new Labor government enjoyed the same early-term blessings.

When Jim Chalmers delivered his crew’s May 2023 budget, all the numbers were stacking up in Labor’s favour. Chalmers was notably ungrateful, however, for the mountains of money generated by exports of coal, iron ore and gas – money that delivered our first budget surplus in 15 years.

Because modern Labor can’t praise traditional energy (and revenue) sources without getting their offices egged by mad-eyed Greens, Chalmers merely referred in his budget speech to Australia profiting from “high prices for the things we sell overseas”.

Things. Just things. Thanks for all the help, workers in the coal, iron and gas industries. Thanks for sweetening the books following years of destructive Covid lockdowns. Thanks for … the things.

Albanese’s new Labor government enjoyed early-term blessings. Picture: Jenny Evans/Getty Images)

Modern Labor really is embarrassed and ashamed of its former voting base, but that’s OK, because all of those blue-collar and hard-hat blokes have been replaced by wealthier and fancier managerial and Karen types.

The sort of crowd that can instantly pick a Hans Hansen silver cheese plane from a Musashi Silver Steel #3 Kasumi fish knife.

As well, once Chalmers’ charismatic magic – ahem – had worn off, Labor could always rely on good old Albo to keep the Coalition from the door.

“What Labor has got is this likability factor with Albo. Everybody likes Albo, and it’s hard not to,” veteran Labor powerhouse Graham Richardson told Sky News back in March. “He’ll keep Labor’s numbers looking fairly good, so I’m glad we’ve got him.”

Albanese was once a one-man cuddliness barrier protecting the rest of his government.

Richardson was right. As I wrote at the time, Albanese was “essentially a one-man cuddliness barrier protecting the rest of his government”. But that barrier is now at least substantially chipped, if still not quite in full-blown Berlin Wall 1989 destruction mode.

The latest Newspoll puts Labor behind the Coalition on two-party preferred terms for the first time since the May 2022 election. The same Newspoll delivered Albanese’s worst Prime Ministerial approval rating.

Labor is hugely Albo-dependent, as Richardson noted, but circumstances have rapidly changed – and none of the available Albos is very well suited to them.

The PM’s owner of multiple properties isn’t a good look during a housing crisis. Picture: NewsWire / Max Mason-Hubers

Airbus Albo stands exposed as a frightened flyer, unwilling to visit Israel in case he provokes an Islamic voter backlash.

Landlord Albo, owner of multiple properties, isn’t a good look during a housing crisis. One of Albo’s joints, a Dulwich Hill townhouse bought by the PM for $1.175m in 2015, was pulled from sale on the weekend because nobody was up for playing in his $1.9m auction zone.

Tough break. We’re all struggling, mate.

Tennis Albo, the devoted Australian Open attendee, is an even worse look at a time of painfully elevated living costs. Put yourself in front of a TV, man. An old cathode-ray tube TV, such as may be found in a single mother’s Housing Commission flat.

And Voice Albo hasn’t appeared in his magical Indigenous ally Akubra since that particular vanity exercise sank below the weight of 60 per cent voter rejection.

Tennis Albo.... The PM enjoys a frothie at the tennis. Picture: Michael Klein

All we’ve got now is Useless Albo, who a week or so ago announced a war on the cost of supermarket snacks. “Ever found more air than chips in your chip packet?” Albo asked on social media.

“More air, less product, same price. It’s called shrinkflation, and it’s ripping Australians off.”

On ripoffs, Albo’s an expert. He lifted this shrinkflation shtick holus-bolus from US President Joe Biden.

“A bag of chips has fewer chips,” President Biden observed in February, back when he could still detect obvious dimensional and numeric contrasts, “but they’re still charging just as much.”

Our Prime Minister is taking his policy cues directly from a man who is such a mental shambles that his own party replaced him with a speech-looping Californian cacklebot.

In a way, Albanese has become a shrinkflation PM. He’s turned out to be all air, no chips.

And Australians are right to feel ripped off, because the costs imposed by this government have been immense.

In return, they’ve received little beyond nanny state urgings to buy EVs, move aside as transmission lines smash the regions and now to inspect packets of fried potatoes.

Overall, this government has aged rather than matured. Kim Beazley’s electoral god is no longer smiling.