Sydney mum speaks out about battle with postnatal depression during lockdown

Alexandra Parker gave birth to her second child last May, just months into the pandemic. The isolation and not having her mum visit from the UK triggered a descent into crippling postnatal depression. She reveals in her own words what she went through.

Sydney mum Alexandra Parker gave birth to her second child last May, just months into the pandemic.

Having moved to Australia from England 11 years ago with her husband, she had always relied on her mum for emotional support, but when her son was born, the border closure stopped the planned visit for the birth.

This triggered a descent into crippling post-natal depression. She shares her story with Jane Hansen in the hope it will help others.

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Having a baby during the pandemic has been the hardest thing I have ever done, nothing can prepare you for the isolation. I was not prepared for this to happen to me. 

When I had my firstborn, Lily, four years ago, I had no issues, I had my mum here.

She normally comes from the UK to visit every six months and I had planned my mum to be here before I gave birth to my son and to stay for three months. Her flight was booked for April and my son was born in May, 2020. The borders closed and even then, no one really knew what was going to happen or how long this would go on for. 

Alexandra Parker with her son Jack and daughter Lily. Picture: Toby Zerna

I had a traumatic birth with Jack. His heart rate dropped and he had the whole cord wrapped around his neck and because his heart rate dropped so much, I had to get him out in one push and I don’t know how I did it but the poor thing had to be resuscitated.

We were in hospital for five days and it was a crazy time, and it sent me on a bit of spin into a deep devastation.

My husband has a very busy job with crazy hours, so with no support at home, my post-partum anxiety and depression raged, the heart-wrenching sadness I felt every day was sometimes so acute it was hard to process.

I felt this horrendous sense of despair and isolation and a fog in my brain. I was just so sad and found no joy in life. It is supposed to be one of the most special, beautiful moments in life when you have your child but I was an absolute wreck, constantly crying with heart-wrenching sadness every day. 

I was isolating myself from everyone. I didn’t want to tell anyone, I didn’t want to see anyone and you begin to retract from anyone.

Jack had really bad reflux and was waking up every single hour.

I was a shell of a human with minimal sleep. I couldn’t string a sentence together, I even found driving a car difficult.

Alexandra Parker and baby Jack and his mum during lockdown last year.

Normal daily functions like cooking were a challenge because I would leave the stove on or leave the front door open. I didn’t function as a normal human being.

I have been applying for a travel exemption to bring my parents (who are fully vaccinated) into the country and so far have been rejected twice. The whole process has been utterly humiliating and it has sent me on another downward spiral on my recovery.

I felt like the baby was okay but felt so sorry for my eldest. She was three and a half when Jack was born and it definitely affected her mental health as well. It was so hard to parent her.

Kids are like sponges and she soaked up all I was going through, and some days she would completely break down as well and it was horrific to see what was affecting me was also affecting her.

I felt the worst guilt in the world. I had zero sleep, I couldn’t function, it was dangerous, like driving a car, I would just think I can’t drive, I can’t go anywhere.

I think it was because of Covid and I had no support.

I have my husband but he works long hours running his own business, but because of Covid I didn’t have the person I needed to help and support me and that is one of the biggest things you need when you have a baby, support.

They say reach out and it takes a village, but the reality of the pandemic, it didn’t let me have a support system. 

Somewhere inside me I had a voice like a beacon saying ‘you need help, you need help’ and I went to my doctor and completely broke down. Jack was six or seven months by then.

You cannot put it into words but it’s just one of the darkest places I’ve ever been. I don’t even want to put on paper how bad those thoughts were.

The doctor put me on medication and I went on a mental health plan and went onto Gidget’s books. (The Gidget Foundation was set up after a young Sydney mother tragically took her own life while experiencing unrecognised postnatal depression. The foundation provides support for postnatal depression).

The medication helped clear the fog and helped me function as a human again so a month after starting medication, I started to have that sense of normality again.

I don’t know if I want to say what my lowest point was, it’s a very dark place, but I can’t just sit and watch this happen to other people.

Parents are immediate family. More than 70,000 Australian citizens have signed a petition for travel exemptions so that parents can be added to the category of immediate family and Zali Steggall, independent member for Warringah, presented it in parliament recently. It’s all about getting exemptions to travel for parents like my mum.

One in five new mothers suffers from postnatal depression. Picture: iStock

There are so many people in my situation. They have postnatal depression, or experience the death of a relative and they are still not being able to leave or have people come and help them.

Far-right-wing commentator Katie Hopkins coming here last week made me sick to my stomach, that obscene lack of compassion from the Australian government to allow someone as controversial as her come into the country when people are dying and they are not even allowed to see their love ones, or have crippling mental health conditions and are not allowed to have the support from immediate family, it makes my blood boil.

I’m so glad she got kicked out.

I have been reaching out to many other mums in the same position as me. It breaks my heart to see people going through postnatal depression because of Covid and being separated from their families. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

I am desperate to help women and raise awareness of what the pandemic has caused to new mothers.

Help is available at Panda, a National Helpline dedicated to peri-natal mental health:

1300 726 306 

The Gidget Foundation: 1300 851 758

Lifeline: 131 114