Steve Price: How I would fix broken Victoria if I was premier

We all know Victoria has become a national laughing stock, but it’s not beyond repair. These are the steps that can pull Melbourne, and the state, back from the brink.

Peta Credlin and Eddie McGuire both declined to put their hands up when I suggested in these pages, they should run Melbourne.

Peta would clearly be better than anyone the embattled Liberals have dished up since Jeff Kennett and Ed could fix the joint in a heartbeat.

Peta has seen politics from the inside and is clearly still traumatised while Eddie wants to be installed as a dictator – posing a small problem.

With those two out of the picture I’ve decided to put my hand up.

For a day only and in theory only. So, what changes would I make to Victoria if I had a magic wand and could simply have my way.

Of course, that’s the coward’s way out and I wouldn’t have to convince people to vote for me, fight the factions or get any legislation through the parliament, but stick with the idea because what the current mob running Spring St are doing isn’t working.

We are saddled with a far-left, union run, sad sack mob of hacks turning Victoria into a national laughing stock.

Yes, they have won election after election and increased their majority last time around, but no-one could seriously suggest they are doing a good job.

Melbourne’s CBD has lost it’s mojo and needs to chart a new way forward. Picture: Luis Ascui

Punishing property taxes have sent real estate prices into free fall while other states are booming, and we all know how many billions they have wasted on infrastructure projects.

Let’s start with the city itself – the CBD – a particular hobbyhorse of mine because I can remember when it was great, instead of the graffiti smeared, homeless haven, bike-lane ruined, soulless joint it’s become.

I’d sack the Melbourne City Council and appoint a Minister for Melbourne charged with fixing the city.

I’d put in administrators to run the nuts and bolts, dump the ego driven carbon neutral policies that believe the City of Melbourne can solve global warming and demand assets like the Flinders St Station be properly used.

I’d order the bikes lanes be ripped out and make St Kilda boulevard great again.

Teenage graffiti vandals and their parents would, if caught, be required to not only clean off their own mess but spend a week on the job for a first offence.

A graffiti hit-squad would spruce up the city. Picture: Brendan Beckett

Fines for graffiti would be doubled and a graffiti hit-squad would spend nights monitoring CCTV cameras and hitting the streets.

Richmond’s illegal drug consumption centre – installed by some fool next to a school (with a dead body found there last week) – would be permanently shut and local homeowners who have lived there since it opened will not pay council rates for 10 years.

The Flinders St building bought to establish a CBD version would be sold with the proceeds used on regional rehabilitation centres.

My one-day government would govern for all Victoria not inner-city Melbourne and fix country roads made dangerous by thousands of potholes.

Lindsay Fox, owner of one of the biggest heavy transport companies in Australia, would be made our pothole supremo and asked to set up an incentive scheme to fill in these killer holes.

Lindsay Fox would be tasked with tacking Victoria’s damaged roads. Picture: Alan Barber

Immigration numbers are killing Melbourne and I’d put up the No Vacancy sign and demand skilled migrants only, with contracted jobs in regional Victorian towns that need workers.

Clearly that $200bn dollar plus hole in the ground that is known as the Suburban Rail Loop would be scrapped and money diverted to an airport rail link into Southern Cross Station. That station would first need to be levelled and rebuilt to make it a rail transport go-to destination.

On energy policy we would turn the Latrobe Valley into a modern-day energy powerhouse hosting nuclear power plants, renovated coal-fired power stations and battery plants for offshore wind farms.

Onshore gas exploration would attract state government subsidies and the mad idea of banning gas connections to new builds would be dumped.

Mark Knight’s take on Steve Price’s Victoria.

Planning permits to carpet bomb regional Victoria with solar farms and wind factories would be ripped up with remote Australia the place for such massive operations – not rural Victoria.

Socially we would take a step back from the radical Left ideology that divides us.

The Koori court for one group of Victorians – Indigenous – would go and the Yoorrook Justice Commission as well.

We are all Victorians and should be treated equally it has nothing to do with race or background.

Slashing the public service numbers should not be hard.

No-one really knows how many there are and how many bludge away working from home – dressed in leisure wear – pretending Covid still exists while pocketing a $5600 cost of living payment.

Peta Credlin would become Victoria’s governor.

This is a job for Jeffrey “Scissorhands” Kennett to slash and burn a bloated bunch of vote bribed time servers.

Eddie would have a big job reinvigorating Victoria’s major events and appeal as a tourist destination. The pillars are there with the Formula 1 Grand Prix opening the season in 2025 and the Australian Open tennis in healthy shape but Ed would be charged with finding new big things and designing a decent global advertising campaign the let the world know Melbourne was back.

Peta Credlin gets the best job – asked to be Governor.

She quietly keeps an eye on her Spring St Cabinet while making sure regional Victoria gets a fair go. And she would travel the world spruiking her state and city.

Love it

- Police no nonsense attitude towards protesters, more troublemakers arrested the better

- Footy Finals, no better time of the year to be in our state- though a game here this weekend would have been nice

- Being on holidays this week in Greece, we could learn from their lifestyle

Loathe It

- Idiot, violent, thug protesters again damaging our state’s reputation and costing police resources

- Fire Service levies, another hit on households

- Lord Mayor candidate Nick Reece’s brain explosion to offer a policy of selling off the Regent Theatre, a vote turn off at the worst time as he tries to win Green preferences

Originally published as Steve Price: How I would fix broken Victoria if I was premier