Peter Dutton steals the show from Scott Morrison and John Howard with gentle roast of Tony Abbott
With a memorable quip, Alan Jones introduced Peter Dutton to speak at Tony Abbott’s tribute dinner. Dutton then told great stories about the 28th PM and hard truths about the Liberals.
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The biggest cheers at Tony Abbott’s tribute dinner, other than for the man of the moment, were for Peter Dutton. That’s quite a feat, given speakers included miracle worker Scott Morrison and living legend John Howard.
Why did Dutton out-do them?
Well first, he was the funniest. And second, he was the most direct.
Plus many of the 1100 Liberal faithful in the room felt it was Dutton who had saved the party by triggering the downfall of Malcolm Turnbull.
MC Alan Jones tapped into this sentiment as he introduced the policeman-turned-pollie at the Terrey Hills shindig.
“He didn’t get his spine at Kmart,” the king of breakfast radio said, prompting roars of laughter.
Dutton is known as the Coalition’s hardman. But on Thursday night he was its comedian.
“Whenever you caught up with Tony as we all traversed around the country it was always at a steak restaurant,” Dutton said.
“Tony loves his steak — and the leftover portion of your steak as well, even if it’s only the rib bone off the rib eye with a skerrick of meat left on, he was still very happy to oblige.”
The ribbing, so to speak, continued.
Dutton said that one of his favourite stories about his time as a minister in the Abbott government was “when Tony packed up half of his Cabinet and the Canberra public servants and we went camping in the Northern Territory.
It highlighted his desire to see genuine — not just symbolic — outcomes for indigenous Australians, he said.
“It was an insight into his deeply held values and his inherent quality as a human being.
“Now to go camping with the Prime Minister of Australia is not just any casual weekend away.
“It required the deployment of an army battalion, pre-positioning of a mobile phone tower and security detail months in the planning.
“I’m not sure if you’ve been camping with the Abbotts but mornings start with exercise. No regular routine I might add, but one with an SAS commander barking instructions at us.
“Suffice it to say, my sit-ups and push-ups were not up to prime ministerial standards.
“Then after the workout we went to breakfast and Tony provided a speech to the mess of assembled army officers and he noted my poor performance and advised that I should receive an unfavourable mention in dispatches.”
ON YER BIKES
Exercise was a theme in Dutton’s gentle roast.
“Tony became a favourite of the Australian Federal Police with his regular strenuous bike rides and enthusiastic training.
“Now I exercise to the point of exhaustion most mornings — that’s not immediately obvious to you — but I have to say my security detail never breaks into a sweat.
“Compared to Tony I am a great disappointment to them.
“Because when Tony was their leader they were purchasing motorised push bikes and many of them updating their life insurance policies.”
Morrison drew laughs as well by using Abbott’s own words.
“I’m reminded of something Tony said at times throughout his parliamentary career: ‘As a journalist I was a frustrated politician. As a politician I was a frustrated journalist. And while a trainee priest I was just frustrated’.”
Cabinet ministers, Morrison added, could vouch for the fact that “as a prime minister he was a very frustrated Defence Minister or even soldier for that matter.”
Howard’s best line came when he recalled the response to his decision to make Abbott his Health Minister.
“A lot of people expressed surprise,” Howard remembered. “They said ‘what does Abbott know about health?’
“And I said ‘well to start with, he’s a lot fitter than you are’.”
The single loudest audience reaction of the night wasn’t to a joke, but rather Dutton’s straight-shooting about those who brought Abbott down from within.
“The reality of the Abbott leadership is that forces within the then Shadow Cabinet, and subsequently, Cabinet, undermined his position from day one … the truth is, many of the same people intended to do the same to Morrison prime ministership.
“Fortunately, our success in May has left those people in our wake and out party is much stronger for it.”
Queue the table-banging.