Kerry Parnell: ‘Sad-fishing’ the new trend we really didn’t need

Mental health has never been more talked about, yet that’s all it is, words. So, let’s make it a mantra to really talk to each other, writes Kerry Parnell.

“When you’re down and troubled and you need some lovin’ care… post it on TikTok,” is not something Carole King envisaged when she penned You’ve Got a Friend.

But 50 years after she wrote the classic pop song, nobody’s calling anyone on the phone. Even at their lowest moment.

Blame it on post-lockdown, blame it on smartphones, but the rise of the online pity party phenomenon known as “sad-fishing” is terrifying. Sad-fishing is where someone posts about themselves being down, having a crisis, or generally struggling, in order to get sympathy and likes.

While it’s right, obviously, to be open about mental health struggles and reach out for help, it can go full-circle and become addictively harmful if you are constantly seeking validation – and even worse, don’t get it.

It’s everywhere on social media – from people weeping on TikTok over something their boss said, to posting pictures of themselves crying on X (Twitter), captioning them, “Feeling down”, then waiting for sympathetic replies.

While it’s right to be open about mental health struggles and reach out for help, it can go full-circle and become addictively harmful if you are constantly seeking validation on social media – and even worse, don’t get it.

You don’t need to be a psychologist to diagnose this is problematic behaviour. Why would you stop to take a selfie – or video yourself – in distress? And what happens if nobody replies quickly enough, or at all?

“People with trauma often have issues with personal boundaries and sad-fishing is a manifestation of this,” says crisis therapist Olivia James. “Everyone needs attention and validation – this is a basic human need. But social media is not necessarily a safe space.

Likes, sad emojis and comments like, ‘U OK hun?’ may provide temporary relief but will not tackle or cure mental health issues.”

How on earth did we end up here, muddling up social media affirmations from strangers?

It’s extremely concerning. I was horrified to see what appeared to be someone attempting suicide on my social media. This person is not anyone I know personally, but has a job with some responsibility and had been struggling with their mental health, as it was part of their profile. It took a few seconds for me to process what I was looking at, before I panicked about what I should do to help them.

They immediately had people telling them not to do what they inferred, which presumably they weren’t, because they were reading the comments and replying. Thankfully, they got help and the crisis was averted.

I’m so very sad for them and everyone in such a bleak mental state they feel they don’t have any real-life resources to turn to. But how on earth did we end up here, muddling up social media affirmations from strangers, with what – and who – really matters? It is like sticking a plaster on a serious wound; it won’t work for long, until you stitch it up.

“A post can be the first step to getting help, but you also need to take action,” says Olivia.

Mental health has never been more talked about, yet I worry that’s all it is, words. So, let’s make it our mantra to really talk to each other. As Carole sang, “All you have to do is call and I’ll be there. You’ve got a friend.”

Lifeline: 13 11 14