Angela Mollard: How Centre Aisle Seduction is doubling my grocery bill

A victim of Centre Aisle Seduction, Angela Mollard confesses she falls for the alluring but totally unnecessary paraphernalia laid out in the middle of the supermarket.

Did you score anything in Jim’s budget bonanza? No, me neither, but it’s all good because I’ve got a Plan B if the mortgage becomes too punishing or we end up in a global recession. I’ll get to that.

In the meantime, my natural frugality has come to the fore in this cost-of-living crisis. I can do remarkable things with a head of celery – though the offspring fake-choked when I overdid it bulking out the spaghetti bolognese.

Also, I’m giving up perfume because the gas bill is about to spiral and I’d rather be warm than fragrant.

I have yet to start stealing from Woolies – advocated by one comedian on the questionable grounds that they’re making a healthy profit – but that’s because I’ve largely shopped at Aldi for the past year after a few school mums told me about their frozen salmon portions, a bargain at $20 a kilo.

What they didn’t tell me, however, is that far from saving me a fortune, Aldi would actually end up costing me more money.

That’s right, the budget supermarket heralded for its cut-price meat, affordable skincare and 3.4 kilo tubs of Greek olives for $6.99 – why does anyone need three kilos of olives? – is robbing me blind.

Since I started shopping at the German-owned supermarket brand, my grocery bills have doubled and this week I finally got to the crux of the problem.

Shamefully, I am a victim of Centre Aisle Seduction.

Aldi’s centre aisle has been cleverly curated to sell you things you think you need at a price which seems completely reasonable. Picture: Jenny Evans

Yes, it is me who falls for the alluring but totally unnecessary paraphernalia laid out in the middle of the supermarket between the fresh produce and cheap dishwasher tablets.

I mean, where else can you get a baby meerkat statue dressed in emergency worker get up and billed as “a whimsical garden character”.

Of course, I do not need to decorate my garden with a baby meerkat statue but he is $6.99 which means he’s just a shade more than a cup of coffee and, as the box promises, “a splash of fun”.

In lieu of perfume, surely I’m entitled to a “splash of fun”.

I could also do with a splash of self-care, which is what the $39 air compression foot massager promises.

Actually, it doesn’t but that’s the voice in my head when I rationalise that it’s $45 for half an hour of foot prodding at my local Mandarin Massage so $39 for an unlimited supply of at-home foot ministration is a bargain.

Keen shoppers line up outside Alid Supermarket hoping to grab bargains. Picture: Claudia Baxter

Look, I’m not a total sucker.

I don’t need the arthritis gloves and socks for $14.99, a blow-up kayak, a gumboot stand or the mega jars of pickled onions for $5.49, though they might make a nice gift for all the expats of my acquaintance.

I briefly consider a 12-volt heated travel blanket, which you plug into the car adaptor, for my daughter in Canberra but then figure that her driving might be compromised if she’s swaddled in a fleecy rug. Also, cars have heaters, duh.

The trouble with Aldi’s centre aisle is that it’s been cleverly curated to sell you things you think you need at a price which seems completely reasonable.

The 10kg hand weight that found its way into my trolley last week was just $29 and perfect for the days I can’t get to the gym but, once home, I found I really needed two.

Likewise, a cashmere jumper in a gorgeous shade of forget-me-not which was only $19.99.

I suspect it only has 2 per cent cashmere and I don’t need another jumper but it was a steal.

Something about the centre aisle subverts my usual prudence and suddenly I find myself buying maniacally for others.

I have no idea how a handheld sewing machine might hem your pants but I’m convinced that at $12.99 it’s exactly what my daughter needs.

At Christmas, the other daughter’s boyfriend was the recipient of an elaborate drinks cooler while my own chap almost received an outdoor smoker on the grounds he likes fishing, but I bought him a yabby pump instead.

A 1000-piece jigsaw of a Tuscan summer scene would be lovely for my mum this Mother’s Day but it would cost three times its $9.99 price tag to post.

However, I might return for a Spider-Man garden swing with its own sun-safe canopy ($29.99) even though the child I plan to gift it to won’t be born until August.

Oh, and the dog pyjamas in pink and printed with steak and dog biscuits are adorable at $10.99 but all the dogs I know are boys.

Would they mind?

One thing I won’t be falling for this year is next week’s snow sale which returns after a year’s hiatus. I’ve picked up great gear in the past but who can afford to ski? It’s all very well getting a ski jacket for $59.99 but it’s triple that for a day’s lift pass.

While my attempts to resist the centre aisle are a work in progress, I do have my Plan B if the cost-of-living crisis proves too crippling. Yep, I’d apply for a second job at Aldi – does anyone know if they have a staff discount?

ANGELA LOVES

WARMIES

A cuddly toy which you warm up in the microwave, these little cuties are the perfect lavender-scented heat pack.

PODCAST

There’s so much weird health advice around but Feel Better, Live More with Dr Ranjan Chatterjee has authoritative guests and short “bite-size” advice.

MY MUM

How lucky am I to have had a lifetime being loved by someone so unrelentingly optimistic and kind. Everything I am as a mother comes from her.

[e-mail]/angelamollard