Louise Roberts: Too many women are victimised but most men are respectful

If you say that most men are decent people who want to stop sexual violence, that doesn’t mean you are minimising the trauma of victims, writes Louise Roberts.

We do not dilute the catastrophe of sexual assault against women by speaking up for the vast majority of men who are decent, respectful and not potential rapists.

And when confronted with Australian government statistics that men make up 97 per cent of violent sexual offenders, the anti-male narrative goes nuclear.

From Brittany Higgins to the woman whom you chatted to briefly as she sliced your ham at the deli counter, we know that too many women have been raped, groped, humiliated, terrified and silenced.

Yes I am one too and like many mums of my generation, I travel through life with several unsavoury and frightening encounters in my history.

Former Liberal party staffer Brittany Higgins who alleged that she was raped at Parliament House. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Gary Ramage

In hindsight, one example was a sexual assault but, at the time, I processed it as a confronting wakeup call for a young reporter.

And a lucky escape, especially when he smiled, grabbed my left breast and said: “If you don’t leave this room now I’m going to rape you.”

I was 19, he was 56.

I remain a victor, not a victim. My story does not compare to a rape and nor should it. And I am certainly not the poster child for left wing ideologues who run a profitable industry trashing men.

But defend men I will continue to do because they are our husbands, sons, brothers, uncles and more who want an end to violence and harassment with one critical difference.

They don’t identify with the witch hunt. They don’t want to pit themselves against women but instead want to work with women whom they love and respect.

Feminist Catherine Lumby has been very critical of private boys’ schools.

Many men feel helpless that a potential advancement for society, triggered initially by law and order issues, will only ignite into a war on all males.

So we’ll have the sleazy abusers, the furious women and no middle ground upon which we can effect change.

Absolutely critical is how we navigate this and transform the festering misandry for our young men.

As a mother of a teenage boy, I was livid to read the recent comments of gender equity consultant Catharine Lumby who didn’t hold back in her condemnation of them.

She referenced boys’ private schools and said: “There is something about how boys are being brought up in 2021 to somehow regard girls as rightful property and fair game and to regard rampant sexual assault as something to be joked about and then denied.’’

Single-sex boys’ schools, in her opinion, “woo parents with the idea that they will give their children access to privilege and power. That promise is bound up with some very old-fashioned notions of how you get power, how you use power, and who is entitled to it”

In defence of the vast majority of men who want to see an end to sexual violence against women but do not identify with the extreme view that all men are potential rapists. Artwork: Terry Pontikos

Whatever your view on private/public schools, just think about that statement. Something about how boys are being brought up in 2021.

I popped my head around my teenage son’s bedroom door while writing this to gauge his reaction.

Was he wary of dating girls his age? Yes, if you like them and look at them, you’ll probably get accused of something.

These are the foundations we are laying for our wretched boys who all want to grow into decent family men — if we’ll let them.

I have a friend with 20-something sons. She was having dinner with them and their friends when the subject arose of protests and online campaigns.

One of her son’s friends said he found the whole thing confusing and now has second thoughts about going on dates. He’s worried he would do something wrong without realising he was doing it.

Ultimately, Tinder does not help relationships between young people. Picture: Leon Neal/Getty Images

“Social media and apps like Tinder are not helping. I see some of these young men and young women engaging in highly suggestive banter with potential matches on these sites, and while it might all be in good fun, it definitely sets a tone that is very open to interpretation,” my friend tells me.

This should not be a battle of the sexes, or a competition to see who can tell the most harrowing story. We need to step forward with a clear intention to be good people.

Good towards men, good towards women. Just decent people.

In the UK, a Baroness Jenny Jones “jokingly” suggested that a 6pm curfew should be introduced for men.

She later claimed that the irony of her remark was lost — we’re so stupid aren’t we — because she was merely trying to illuminate that police said women in London should not go out alone. Ergo a curfew for them.

We’re not raising rapists.

And we can’t correct past injustices and the way women have been silenced by silencing and demonising men now.

@whatlouthinks