Kerry Parnell: Move over Dan – the school mums could get it done
As the future of the 2026 Commonwealth Games hangs in the balance, I have a solution – ask Aussie mums to organise it.
Opinion
Don't miss out on the headlines from Opinion. Followed categories will be added to My News.
As the future of the 2026 Commonwealth Games hangs in the balance, I have a solution – ask Aussie mums to organise it.
After Premier Dan Andrews’ decision earlier this month to pull the plug on the Victorian Games because of cost blow-outs, the Commonwealth Games Federation should simply hand it over to the P&C Federation to sort the shambles out.
“We are disappointed that we were only given eight hours’ notice and that no consideration was given to discussing the situation to jointly find solutions prior to this decision being reached by the Government,” the Commonwealth Games Federation said in a statement.
“We are taking advice on the options available to us and remain committed to finding a solution for the Games in 2026.”
Eight hours? That’s nothing for your average group of primary school mums. They have all the required skills to pull off an event of this scale – the ability to organise a 12-month calendar of activities, get everyone in agreement and whip up funding for it from a combo of cake stalls, sponsored walks and quiz nights.
Even the least-willing parent will at some point find themselves in the school hall late one evening, precariously balanced on a miniature chair, pen in hand, pondering what year Crowded House had their biggest hit.
Or they will wake up Squid Game-style to discover themselves on a dragon boat, rowing for their life and bank balance, against another school of athletic parents, while wondering how in the hell they got there. I’ll tell you how they got there – resistance is futile, which brings me back to my initial point: who you gonna call? Mum-busters.
P&C people – and yes, they occasionally include the odd dad – are a marvel of determination and ingenuity. Failure is not an option: no Santa Grotto will be left behind. They would have the Commonwealth Games venues sorted, cash-raised and team uniform designed, ordered and manufactured, all by the end of the first Monday-evening meeting.
Take the Big Little Lies ladies – that Elvis and Audrey fundraiser was absolutely deadly, both because nobody’s outfits were made of highly flammable fabric and sourced from Amazon the night before and because, well, someone died. Unfortunate, but did it stop them? It did not.
Admittedly, these are cashed-up imaginary citizens from Pirriwee Peninsula/Monterey, but even their scruffier London counterparts from Brit comedy Motherland have the ability to rustle up coinage when required, whether via a trusty tombola, or Hollywood-style auction of promises, where Amanda was famously bid 50p ($1) for a kiss.
There was even a reality show, Mother Funders, on Bravo TV, following a Parent Teacher Organisation in Locust Grove, Georgia. Other mothers are never to be underestimated. My fellow school mums are an absolute marvel – a one-stop-charity-shop of cake-baking, mountain-climbing, disco-dancing, fabulous fete-hosting, super-fundraisers. They’re brilliant. Their only weak link is me, because I’m useless. My greatest humiliation was the time I foolishly made banana muffins for the bake sale and the entire unappetising-looking pyramid of them went unsold. They were handed back to me, silently. So, although I can’t count myself among the competent cohort; for a Commonwealth committee? I vote yes.
twitter.com/kerryparnell
If you want to save democracy, then God save the King
A constitutional monarchy such as ours is ideally placed to make sure that power ultimately resides with the people, not the powerful, writes Susan Carter.
McDonald Trump has his foes in panic mode
Serving fries at McDonald’s and poking fun at Kamala Harris’s claims to have worked there is just one of the many ways Donald Trump continues to connect with regular people and defy his delusional critics, writes Tim Blair.