Kerry Parnell: Find out your denim age with my jean-etic test

Is your denim dating you? If so, it’s time to do some jean-etic testing. Kerry Parnell outlines how to give your legs new life for 2024.

Is your denim dating you? If so, it’s time to do some jean-etic testing.

Every decade, denim fashion changes, so this is a public service announcement for those of us who last went jeans shopping in 2014.

According to Gen Z, there’s nothing more ageing than wearing the wrong denim, and no quicker way of establishing you are a millennial, Gen X or Boomer than skinny jeans.

“A simple change to your jeans can make you look 10 years younger,” declares Nicole Smith in her TikTok video, which has clocked up 2.3 million views.

She suggests swapping skinnies for boot-cuts — which is much cheaper and less painful than Botox, which she also peddles.

Here’s how to drop the years and give your legs new life for 2024.

Models Kate (L to R), Tea and Maia dressed in Nobody Denim, Nine West, PUMA, Tissot and Specsavers. Picture: Mark Stewart

Dark blue denim

Let’s start with an easy style upgrade anyone can achieve.

The good news is, deep-indigo tailored (not skinny) jeans are back, as seen on the runways of Gucci and Miu Miu.

These are an easy-to-wear, flattering style for anyone — and you can’t tell if they’re cheapies, either.

Barrel-legs

A much more challenging trend comes in the form of barrel-leg jeans.

These are high-waisted and, like their name suggests, barrel-shaped, kind of like denim-Cossack-style pants.

Double denim can be difficult to pull off.

They are championed by Louis Vuitton and Alaia, along with other balloon-shaped garments.

I recently interviewed Hollywood actor Emma Stone, who was encased in a balloon-esque Louis Vuitton suit.

As I sat there chatting to her, I sadly concluded that those of us whose bodies are actually inflating should not attempt this look.

Puddle jeans

The same goes for the ongoing popularity of super-long-legged jeans, which inevitably trail through puddles.

Victoria Beckham loves them — as does Jar Jar Binks.

They are best worn with heels on a day with no chance of light showers (sorry Melburnians).

Otherwise — as the hordes of poor teenagers are discovering — soggy wet legs are a real drag.

Approach with caution.

Got great legs like Natasha Oakley? You may be able to pull off denim undies and a jacket.

Yes, once again, the fashion set is loving the Florida cruise look, as the dreaded Bermuda shorts return for another round in the sun.

Longer denim shorts — called jorts — and even those three-quarter-length styles we thought we’d seen the back of, have been spotted on the likes of Pip Edwards and Nicola Peltz. Anyone who still owns some from the ’70s, or ’90s can rejoice, or weep, depending on your perspective.

Dad Jeans

We had Mom Jeans, now it’s the turn of Dad Jeans.

High-waisted with baggy legs and sometimes even (whispers) stone-washed, Dad Jeans — the kind David Koch and Scott Cam have been lifelong fans of — are being embraced by hip young things of both sexes.

Classic Levi’s 501s are also back, which is excellent news for those who never stopped wearing them.

As for actual dads, you’re advised to go slimmish, but not skinny.

Oh, and never wedge your phone in your front pocket.

Trust me.

Flares

Finally, the simplest change you can make, is to swap your skinny jeans for a wider fit.

Either boot-cut flappy flares, or wide-leg styles that go straight down, whichever makes you least resemble Krusty the Clown.

Hey, hey, presto.

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