Kerry Parnell: Don’t leave me hanging: Gen Z, give up the ghost on ghosting

You keep repeating yourself, to silence. The Gen Z-powered phenomenon has graduated from the dating world to the workplace. And it needs to disappear.

Ghosted: What happens when you're left on 'read'.

“The opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference,” goes the saying. I tell you what I absolutely hate – ghosting.

This Gen Z-powered phenomenon has gone from the dating world to the workplace. And it’s so very annoying.

It’s the professional equivalent of your pre-teen losing the ability to hear your everyday requests, such as, “get dressed for school/eat your breakfast/say hello.”

You keep repeating yourself, to silence; a slither of your soul ebbing away each time, until you think you’ll fade to nothing and no-one will notice, until they realise there’s no dinner.

First the millennials came for our phones, forcing us to send messages asking when is a good time to call, so we don’t, you know, scare anyone, and now Gen Z only deigns to answer messages if they feel like it. Even chatbots are more, well, chatty.

’I hope my email finds you well”. Just give a sign it even FOUND you.

And now ghosting has infiltrated the workplace.

Anyone who has tried to apply for a job in the past few years knows they a) have no chance of getting their CV past the Bob The Robber algorithms and b) if they do get an interview, it’s 50/50 they’ll ever hear from the recruiter again.

Nobody likes to be left hanging.

So, I suppose it’s not surprising it’s happening in reverse – according to workplace experts, Gen Z are routinely ghosting interviews and simply not turning up; even in some cases,

ghosting their first day, having accepted the job.

I’ve noticed ghosting getting much more prolific in day-to-day liaisons, too.

In my line of work, I communicate with multiple professionals every day, but now many regularly ghost me in the middle of interactions, presumably rather than have to say something like, “no.”

Previously, I used to phone the ghosters, just to give them a fright, but nobody includes their contact numbers anymore, so even that little pleasure has been exorcised.

While Gen X-ers see calling someone as an efficient way of communicating, to Gen Z it’s the equivalent of hacking down their door and screaming, “Here’s Johnny!”

“Ghosting is happening in a few ways at work,” says Shoshanna Davis, a Gen Z engagement expert.

“As well accepting a job interview and not showing up, it’s not responding to emails, going quiet on projects and not turning up to meetings.”

Davis, who founded Fairy Job Mother, a consultancy to help Gen Z at work, says it’s not their fault, because in this post-pandemic world, they haven’t really been set up to succeed.

However, this anti-social atmosphere we now find ourselves in, is no good for anyone. Avoiding difficult conversations only creates bigger ones. Nobody likes being left hanging, wondering what in the hell happened.

You’re haunted by uncertainty – have they gone on holiday? Did something happen to them? Did spellcheck change ‘cook’ to ‘cock’ and you’ve accidentally traumatised them?

Then there’s the dilemma of how many times is acceptable to follow up if someone never, ever, replies?

According to Davis, it’s three. “Follow up three times via email, then try another avenue of communication,” she says.

And when that doesn’t work?

Then, worst of all, comes the sad realisation they’re simply getting on with their day and have forgotten you completely.