Introverts aren’t shy they just choose to be by themselves

JUST because we’re not hungry for company doesn’t mean there’s no one home. Some of us prefer to learn by observation rather than constant yapping.

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Someone wise who saw through my carefully constructed mask once described me as an “effervescent introvert”. I can turn up the fizz around people but it takes a toll.

Networking drains me. I get high from processing not socialising.

Any introvert who has achieved an ounce of self-awareness will tell you that they just need time to themselves to recharge the batteries. By contrast, extroverts re-energise by being around other people.

Anyone who thinks introverts are sad loners may like to take a moment to reflect on some of the many successful introverts

It’s a simple, easily recognisable way to identify the two character types. It’s one of the four areas identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and different to shyness. There is no fear of social situations; it’s a conscious choice not to interact with others.

Anyone who thinks introverts are sad loners may like to take a moment to reflect on some of the many successful introverts from Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks and Audrey Hepburn to Steven Spielberg and J.K Rowling.

Just because we’re not hungry for company doesn’t mean there’s no one home. Some of us prefer to learn by observation rather than constant yapping.

The world is much easier for people who aren’t wired to whirling in sociable spirals than it used to be.

Now, we can “socialise” via Skype rather than having to actually get dressed and leave the house. It’s a revelation for us quiet ones who don’t have an endless supply of social energy.

Introverts dislike large groups and prefer spending quality time one on one with friends rather than people pleasing the masses.

I’ve learned that those who love the sound of their own voices become loathsome activists

Susan Cain’s best-selling book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” is better company than most humans - especially the shouty ones. There’s a reason her TED talk “The Power of Introverts” has clocked up over 20 million views.

Her anecdote about summer camp pretty much sums up my childhood.

“All the times I got the message that somehow my introverted style of being wasn’t necessarily the right way to go,” she says. “That I should be trying to pass myself off as more of an extravert.”

Introverts are everywhere; we just don’t see them grabbing headlines. Why? Because most introverts aren’t busy bragging about it.

Of course, years later, I’ve learned that those who love the sound of their own voices become loathsome activists.

You want to talk about “unconscious bias”? I’d suggest selecting the correct balance of personality types is more important than any gender quota.

Inversion is in your personality type from birth. Harvard psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Snidman conducted research on babies and followed them through to adulthood.

If you’re an extrovert, you may slow down but you’ll still come to life around people rather than feeling drained

They showed babies various stimuli and recorded their reactions to the unfamiliarity.

Some babies cried, screamed and were clearly highly reactive to their environment.

Others didn’t react hardly as much and were termed “low reactive”.

When they were adults they were found to be more sociable.

By contrast, the babies who were highly reactive grew up to be more fearful and affected by their environment.

Cain, writing about what she terms “Quiet Revolution” has confirmed that most of us become more introverted as we age.

Psychologists term this as “intrinsic maturation” and it’s been repeatedly evident in studies conducted around the world.

“High levels of extroversion probably help with mating, which is why most of us are at our most sociable during our teenage and young adult years,” says Cain.

This makes sense of why most of us have a slower social diary as we get older when mixing, mingling and searching for a mate is ticked off.

Jenn Granneman, who wrote The Secret Life of Introverts cautions that our temperaments don’t change so if you’re an introvert, chances are you’ll always be an introvert.

If you’re an extrovert, you may slow down but you’ll still come to life around people rather than feeling drained.

So, humans are like fine wine; we mellow with age.

And hopefully at some point we learn that not everyone needs to be loud in a crowd.