I want to turn off the deafening ‘noise’ of social media motherhood advice | Elspeth Hussey

As a new mum to a three-month-old son, the most shocking part of motherhood is discovering all the so-called rules, writes Elspeth Hussey.

Elspeth Hussey with her new baby Monty. Picture: Gretl Watson-Blazewicz

It was an Instagram ad promising to “boost your milk supply now” that lured me in during a 3am breastfeeding session.

Any new parent will know this level of sleep deprivation. The kind that can make you spend $50 on “lactation cookies”. 

I knew it was an exorbitant amount to pay for a box of biscuits, but when you’re an anxious new mum, you’ll try anything.

Since having a baby, my social media algorithm has become an endless stream of tips, tricks and products that spruik easier parenting, but I’m not entirely sure any of it does.

I often wonder what it must’ve been like for mothers raising children before smartphones. Less distractions, no pressure to post the perfect Book Week photo. In a way, I’m envious they were able to block out all the noise.

Whether you go looking for advice or not, you’ll find it in spades on social media. The right way to burp, swaddle, feed and play. I saw a video this week that listed “five rules for reading to your baby”. There are rules?

Elspeth Hussey shares the joys of being a new mum with SAWeekend. Picture: Gretl Watson-Blazewicz

Elspeth Hussey shares the joys of being a new mum with SAWeekend. Picture: Gretl Watson-Blazewicz

At a time when uncertainty and self-doubt is rife, social media can trigger more confusion and comparison.

“Why is their baby already rolling over? Why is their home so spotless?”

“10 milestones your four month old should be hitting” can cause worry at a time you least need it.

A video about the ideal amount of tummy time for your newborn, can be followed by another with conflicting advice.

Just when I thought I’d nailed the toy selection, a reel popped up about the importance of “high contrast images”. The little baby was waving his arms wildly in the air, with special black and white mittens on his hands. How essential are these, I wondered?

Modern mums – and dads – spend a lot of time scrolling, stuck in a chair feeding a baby. I’ve received some daily screen time notifications I’m too embarrassed to share.

The author of the book How To Break Up With Your Phone says she had an epiphany one night when she was feeding her newborn daughter. Catherine Price realised her little girl was gazing up at her, trying to make eye contact, while she was staring at her phone, re-checking the same social media sites she’d just looked at.

She’s not alone. “Brain rot” was declared Oxford Dictionary’s 2024 Word of the Year.

It describes the negative impact of consuming excessive amounts of low-quality online content.

Let’s be honest, it’s easy to do. As Price says, TikTok and Instagram “can’t be finished”. The content is endless.

But experts say it’s not as simple as just telling people to log off. Many turn to social media for connection, support and education.

“In a survey we conducted of more than 500 Australian women, 87 per cent said they wanted to use social media to access health information,” explains Dr Megan Gow, a maternal and infant researcher at the George Institute for Global Health.

They reported wanting information on mental health, breastfeeding and nutrition, but Dr Gow says too often what they find is unregulated advice and unrealistic ideals. She analysed 600 Instagram photos with the hashtag #postpartumbody and found just 5 per cent featured stretch marks, cellulite, sagging breasts or scars.

So how can mothers filter through the tsunami of content to find reputable sources?

“I think what women can do is follow health organisations and health professionals, rather than influencers and product marketing. There’s a lot of product marketing that blurs the facts,” she says.

It’s easy to fall for these smart marketing ploys; I certainly have.

Hydration powders, the high contrast mittens and a bizarre silicone suction device that promised to banish cellulite.

I never did buy the lactation cookies though. For once, I did some due diligence. It turns out most of them contain ingredients similar to Anzac biscuits.

Much like social media, they were not what they seemed.

Originally published as I want to turn off the deafening ‘noise’ of social media motherhood advice | Elspeth Hussey