Hateful Clementine Ford for Australian of the Year

FEMINIST Clementine Ford has the energy to ­extend her hatred of herself to the rest of the country and tell us how pathetic we all are, says Mark Latham.

So come on Australia. Don’t be Bored, Vote For Ford.

IN news certain to excite Left-wing devotees of identity politics, nominations have opened for the 2017 Australian of the Year. A replacement is desperately needed for the incumbent David Morrison whose sole contribution to our national life this year has been his attempt to ban the word “guys”.

Morrison is a former army chief used to dodging bullets on the battlefield.

For some reason, he thinks calling one’s colleagues “guys” has the same impact in the workplace.

Mark Latham shares his views on who should be Australian of the Year. Picture: Chris McKeen

Simpson and his donkey are needed to cart away the casualties of this linguistically gendered warfare — a skirmish fought in the No Man’s Land between the photocopiers and cubicle dividers of our CBD office towers. Not surprisingly, Morrison hasn’t been sighted since his failed burst of political correctness, with most Australians belly laughing at their madcap Australian of the Year.

Either that or he’s been kidnapped by the Safe Schools Coalition and consigned to the dungeon of Cheltenham Girls High School, white papering out the use of another thermo-dangerous word — “girls” — from all school publications and signage.

As Australians, we need to work together in finding a replacement for the missing Morrison.

I want Daily Telegraph readers to join with me in campaigning for a candidate suited to the noble traditions of this national honour.

We need a 2017 Australian of the Year who can walk in the footsteps of those who have given the position new meaning in recent years. There’s no point in nominating a unifying national figure.

This clearly falls outside the criteria set by the Australia Day Council selection panel.

We need a nominee who can split the country in two, as Adam Goodes did in 2014 on race relations, as Rosie Batty did in 2015 on gender politics and as Morrison has done with his PC language policing.

David Morrison was named the 2016 Australian of the Year.

After all, as these recipients have argued, Australia is an inherently racist, sexist and bigoted nation.

Our nominee also needs to be skilled in victimhood politics and the making of false sociological linkages such as the claim that ‘‘sexist’’ jokes at the footy cause men to race home to assault their partners.

I have a champion in mind, someone who can expose and conquer the bloodthirsty misogyny of the likes of Eddie McGuire and Sam Newman.

She’s the incomparable Clementine Ford, the leading Left-feminist writer on Fairfax websites.

As her national campaign manager, we are running on the slogan: Don’t Be One Of Them (White Anglo Blokes), Vote For Clem.

She has the added advantage of having published a number of long, tedious life-babble columns on her experiences with anxiety.

Isn’t it time for someone who represents this great and growing Australian pastime (worrying too much) to be our number one citizen?

Isn’t that what affirmative action and life-quotas are for: ensuring that clear-minded nonchalant folk don’t hog all the honours and opportunities in society?

Our nominee also needs to be skilled in victimhood politics and the making of false sociological linkages such as the claim that ‘‘sexist’’ jokes at the footy cause men to race home to assault their partners.

Let’s share the love of our darling Clementine.

She’s told us how she has “endured 18 years of punishing self-hatred” — a crucial qualification.

The Australian of the Year needs to hate Australia as it stands today: a heartless bigoted place, a butterfly-wing-picking hovel that spends just $35 billion annually on indigenous welfare and makes its young women study so hard that they’re now ­receiving 60 per cent of university degrees.

Clem has the energy to ­extend her hatred of herself to the rest of the country and tell us how pathetic we all are. That’s what makes her so wonderfully progressive.

So come on Australia. Don’t be Bored, Vote For Ford.

YES, I WANT DONALD TRUMP TO WIN

IN the media’s obsession with the demonisation of Donald Trump, an inconvenient truth has been overlooked. In American politics, the times suit the candidate for change.

The Washington cabal is falling apart, burdened by 13 years of failed foreign policy, chronic economic decline, real wage stagnation, unfettered illegal migration, rising rates of crime and terrorism, corrupt special-interest peddling and the suffocating tyranny of political correctness.

Polling shows that 71 per cent of Americans think their country is headed in the wrong direction. Why wouldn’t they be looking for change?

Why wouldn’t their electoral gaze turn to a non-politician like Donald Trump, someone who has not only raised a fortune financially but also raised four outstanding adult children of whom any parent would be proud?

For 12 months, the Trump demonisers have said he’s about to fall over, but they have been wrong at every turn.

Donald Trump is running for President of the United States. Picture: AP Photo/Evan Vucci

The more the media elites attack him, the more his supporters in middle America dig in to back him.

Even Bill Clinton has acknowledged the popular mood for change.

In his speech to the Democrat Convention last week old Bubba, in a classic example of Clintonesque spin and trickery, tried to repackage his wife Hillary as a “change maker”.

Really?

Mrs Clinton’s career has been characterised, not by positive change, but by failure.

As First Lady, her health policy push ended in chaos and rejection.

As a New York Senator, she is best remembered for supporting the 2003 invasion of Iraq — a disastrous intervention that spawned the rise of Islamic State.

As Secretary of State, she was plagued by scandals in the Middle East and the improper use of her email system — a security breach condemned by the FBI.

Then there’s the elephant in the room: if Hillary is so fantastic, a woman deserving of loyalty and admiration, why has Bill Clinton been such a disloyal philanderer, consistently dishonouring their partnership?

That’s been Hillary’s most spectacular “change making” flop: in 40 years of marriage, her inability to change Bill.

She has been and always will be a Washington insider, someone so staged and fake in her public appearances that she’s become authentically inauthentic.

A Trump victory in November will be a poke in the eye for the self-­interested political elites, for establishment figures everywhere who, as with the Clintons, cravenly guard their power and status at the expense of regular people, the disenfranchised outsiders of modern politics. That’s why I want The Donald to win.