Duncan Lay: Why dogs have a lot to teach humans
THERE was an outcry when it was revealed a uni professor was using her dog to help make a point about diversity to students. My only concern is this doesn’t go far enough. I’d like to see an entire degree taught by dogs, Duncan Lay writes.
Opinion
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THERE was an outcry this week when The Daily Telegraph revealed university Professor Jane Park was using her fluffy white dog Jae to help make a point about diversity to students in her class.
My only concern is, this doesn’t go far enough. I’d like to see an entire degree taught by dogs. With that in mind, here’s a rough outline for a Diploma in Undergraduate Dogology, or a DUD.
IDENTIFY THE TOP DOG AND SUCK UP TO THEM
Dogs know which side their toast is buttered — and who is likely to drop some at the breakfast table.
Like a dog, students will be taught how to identify who has the power in the office and then win them over so you get the treats. And remember, licking of hands is acceptable in some offices but humping of legs never is.
IF YOU WANT ATTENTION, IT’S OK TO BARK FOR A BIT
It’s so easy to get forgotten when everyone is so busy. The solution is to make some noise, get some attention and then you get what you want, whether it’s to go for a walk, get dinner or win that promotion.
The real skill, of course, is barking at the right volume at just the right time.
In the middle of the ad break for their favourite show is perfect. Middle of the night … not so much.
Plus, humans can end up with AVOs for that sort of behaviour.
DON’T PEE ON THE RUG IF YOU WANT TO BE NEAR THE FIRE
It sounds obvious but so many puppies make this mistake and find themselves banished to the garage. You want to stay near the fire, or the heart of the office. You don’t want that desk across from the men’s toilets. Making a mess where it can be seen will just land you in the shit.
LICK YOURSELF A LITTLE BUT TOO MUCH IS ANNOYING
Everyone deserves a little time out, whether it’s to check Facebook, catch up with a friend or use your tongue to make sure the genital area is really clean. Most bosses understand this. But it’s a fine line.
Too much of it gets on everyone’s nerves. Of course, if you are able to take this elective literally, it shows that those lunchtime yoga classes are really working for you.
Plus, coming next year, a degree inspired by cats.
Perfect for would-be serial killers and power-crazy supervillains.